Are you one of those people who replays exam grades in your head like a horror movie? Perhaps, the worst grade you’ve ever gotten flashes before your eyes during your lowest moments, a constant reminder of the fact that it could always happen again. As someone whose stomach drops every time before checking her results in a frenzied panic – what if I told you that it’s absolutely possible to care about doing well without letting your grades consume your self worth?
Here’s the truth: We’ve been trained from a very young age to equate grades with intelligence, success, and even our identity! But what no one tells you is that obsessing over grades doesn’t actually make you smarter, happier or more successful. If anything, it leaves you exhausted and constantly anxious, coupled with a crippling fear of failure.
REDEFINE WHAT “DOING WELL” MEANS FOR YOU
The term “doing well” has a wide array of meanings. However, for some reason it’s always interpreted as performing to your highest potential, kept away in isolation from the other factors that could actually be influencing your performance. Doing well doesn’t have to mean topping your class or crushing a presentation all the time. Try to reframe it as functioning to your fullest, relative to the other circumstances taking place in your life. For example, did you attempt a really challenging test despite being terribly sick? That action is a win, regardless of how you actually end up doing. Doing well can also mean understanding a concept really well, enjoying what you’re learning or applying it practically in life.
Grades are just a reflection of how well you played by a specific set of rules at a certain period of time, amongst favourable circumstances. They don’t define how capable or creative you are. The second you associate “doing well” with learning, you’ll find that your mindset shifts from fear to curiosity. When you’re invested in exploring something without the nagging thought of your performance holding you back, you actually retain more and end up doing well!
YOUR EFFORTS MATTER, NOT OUTCOMES
The term “doing well” has a wide array of meanings. However, for some reason it’s always interpreted as performing to your highest potential, kept away in isolation from the other factors that could actually be influencing your performance. Doing well doesn’t have to mean topping your class or crushing a presentation all the time. Try to reframe it as functioning to your fullest, relative to the other circumstances taking place in your life. For example, did you attempt a really challenging test despite being terribly sick? That action is a win, regardless of how you actually end up doing. Doing well can also mean understanding a concept really well, enjoying what you’re learning or applying it practically in life.
Grades are just a reflection of how well you played by a specific set of rules at a certain period of time, amongst favourable circumstances. They don’t define how capable or creative you are. The second you associate “doing well” with learning, you’ll find that your mindset shifts from fear to curiosity. When you’re invested in exploring something without the nagging thought of your performance holding you back, you actually retain more and end up doing well!
comparison is the thief of joy
Stop comparing yourself to others! Easier said than done, you don’t need to tell me twice. Olivia Rodrigo rightly put it when she said ‘Com-comparison’s killing me slowly”. The unfortunate truth is that someone will always be better than you – whether it’s getting good grades, doing more extracurriculars or simply just having their life together. But guess what! That doesn’t take away your progress or make it any less meaningful.
If you keep measuring yourself by someone else’s strengths, you’ll never recognise your own. While it’s completely normal to feel this way, some strategies that helped me were to look up to the people I compared myself to for inspiration, rather than obsessing about them being better than me. If they can do it, I can too! This also helped me accept the speed of my progress and the quality of my work a lot better, because they too have crossed this stage to get to where they are today.
YOU ARE NOT YOUR GRADES
I can’t even begin to describe how hard this one is, and I’m sure my fellow academic validation girls can relate. As someone who’s still on the journey of untying her self worth from her productivity, it’s essential to remind myself – and you all – that your GPA doesn’t reflect your creativity, empathy and personality. Other skills such as life skills matter way more in the real world. It feels amazing to get good grades. It’s a reflection of your hard work and effort, and you shouldn’t feel anything but proud when you achieve your goals! But remember that you are so much more than what your performance on a piece of paper on some random Tuesday was. They are not everything, and you should be proud of yourself regardless of how these circumstances turn out.
FIND JOY OUTSIDE ACADEMICS
While I’m someone who cares about her grades to an unhealthy extent (so much so that they show up in my dreams at night), I’ve realised that I need to explore other things that make me fulfilled. As a creative, I have thrown myself into a variety of extracurriculars which give me so much joy. Be it dance, music, writing or even just hanging out with your friends, you owe it to yourself to find something that drives you and motivates you to pursue it for nothing other than the happiness it brings you. These outlets keep you grounded and serve as an important reminder that life is so much more than your next assignment. Ironically, people who have well rounded lives often outperform those with academics as their focus, because their happiness doesn’t revolve around just one sphere of their existence.
perfection is a myth
While a lot of people enjoy labelling themselves as perfectionists, few understand and experience the emotional turmoil and the debilitating feelings that surface due to this double edged sword. While perfectionism can help you level up the quality of your work to an extent, it makes you believe that something is not worth doing unless it’s perfect.
This is the worst mindset you can have for yourself, which is why it’s important to remember that progress will always outdo perfection. Learning how to be “good enough” in the right circumstances is a skill that will serve you far longer than obsessing over every detail.
THE TAKEAWAY
My final piece of advice to you: You don’t have to stop caring about grades, you just have to prevent your life from revolving around them. When you shift your focus from proving yourself to improving yourself, grades will stop feeling like a burden and become something that comes automatically to you. You will feel calmer, confident and more free. The ultimate goal is to experience life without losing yourself in the process. On that note, make sure you enjoy all aspects of university life to the fullest – it goes away in the blink of an eye.
