Many of us are consumed by the mere thought of love. Whether it’s the idea of falling in love, giving love, or being able to receive love, it’s a fuel that ignites us all and has an infinite power. When in a relationship, its important to know what healthy love is and what is not. Sometimes, we become blinded by the perception that we have created of someone without realizing that what we are dealing with is not love and it is only hurting ourselves. Its important that we as humans to educate ourselves on what it is that we should be aware of in a relationship. Abusive relationships are not only physical: they can be emotional, verbal, and mental as well. Let’s take a look at some cases that promote positive and negative types of love in relationships.
NEGATIVE LOVE
1. If your partner tends to have a very controlling demeanor such as not letting you stay out past a certain time, needs to follow your every single move, or demands being with you every five seconds, this is not okay. They should be able to respect your choices and should be able to give you any space that you need.
2. If you are being threated by your partner, claiming that if you leave them, they’ll do something terrible to you or themselves, this isn’t love. This mentality is not something that should be allowed in any relationship. It’s unfair to you and they do not have the right to hold this over you.
3. Using revolting or distasteful language towards you is not a good sign of a healthy relationship. Disagreements may happen once in a while, but it should not be consistent nor lead to a point where you feel as though they may actually end up hurting you in some way, shape, or form.
4. If they place their hand on you once, that is when its time to acknowledge that the relationship you’re in is potentially putting yourself in danger and needs to come to an end. At no point is there ever a valid reason to intentionally laying a hand on your partner to cause physical pain.
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POSITIVE LOVE
1. Your partner should support you and treat you to the best of their abilities. A good relationship builds with logical and calm communication. This is one of the most important key factors in any relationship and its important that you two are comfortable and at ease with one another.
2. The little things matter. If it is true love, your significant other should be doing everything they possibly can to ensure your happiness within the relationship (as long as it is to a reasonable and not extreme extent).
3. They should respect you and value what you have to say. In a relationship you should not feel like you’re being belittled or as if what you have to say doesn’t matter.
4. It’s also important for them and yourself to be willing to collaborate or compromise. If an issue arises, avoiding it or shouting at each other will not help in solving the problem and with most definitely make it all a lot worse.
5. Your partner needs to encourage you. If they are only pointing out your flaws and expressing how you can’t do what you believe in, this is not okay. They should support your dreams and aspirations with the intent of helping you achieve them as well.
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Love is a mysterious thing that works in such mysterious ways, and its important that we know when we need to remove ourselves entirely from a situation. Sometimes its as if there’s this unspoken bond that makes us feel like we are connected to that other person and there are no wrongs that they can possibly do. Some of us have hearts that are just so big we do not notice the signs and red flags. Do not empathize the unfortunate truth. In the end, you cannot heal a person who only uses their past or pain as an excuse to hurt you.
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If you or someone you know is in an abusive relationship that may be potential dangerous, please see the list below of contacts you can reach out to:
National Domestic Violence Hotline: (1-800) 799-7233
Domestic Violence Services
Crime Victims Advocate