The Importance of Learning Your Love Language

The 5 love languages. The ultimate quiz to learn your partner’s love language and how they express their love and how you should love them. But is that really all it should be used for? What about learning our love language to discover how to love ourselves more? This popular quiz originated after the release of the book “The 5 Love Languages” by Gary Chapman. The term was originally created to discover the way we feel loved and appreciated by others, where five different ways explain our own unique “love language” or in other words how we express and show love. However, just as it is a great way to learn more about our significant other’s or our loved ones’ way of expressing love, learning our own love language can teach us so much about how we should care for ourselves and how we should love ourselves. After all, love begins with ourselves. The way we love ourselves depicts how we love in relationships and like the famous quote “you can’t pour from an empty cup” we must learn to love ourselves first to love others. We can benefit so much from learning our own love language that we can integrate in our own relationship with ourselves ranging from learning ways to self-care, to discovering what brings us joy and makes us happy, to what we appreciate and means a lot to us, etc. Below are examples of each love language; if you would like to take the love language quiz, click the link at the bottom.

For instance, if your love language is acts of service then doing nice things for yourself could serve as a form of self-care. You can do this by treating yourself to nice things when possible like shopping for yourself or taking yourself out to eat your favorite food. 

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If your love language is physical touch, then this could mean that you lean more towards aromatic self-care methods. Pampering yourself by putting on a face mask, getting a massage or a facial, or trying out acupuncture are some ways you can use this love language for self-care. You may also find lighting candles, incense, or aromatherapy oils very soothing. 

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Elsewhere, if your love language is receiving gifts, then you are likely to find that you really appreciate kind gestures and the effort and thoughtfulness that comes with receiving gifts from those who mean a lot to you. You can use this love language as a form of self-care by buying yourself flowers, buying yourself something special, or signing up for a monthly gift box subscription of something you love. 

If quality time is your love language, there are many ways you can use this language for self-care. You can find different ways to spend time with yourself or with the company of others doing things you enjoy. This could be either going out to the movies, having a night out with your significant other or with friends or simply enjoying your own company. For instance, quality time is my love language, therefore I make sure to schedule time for myself every week to spend time doing activities or things I love. I typically use my Fridays for "me time." So, this includes watching my favorite shows, sleeping in, planning for the week ahead, or being productive. 

Finally, if words of affirmation is your love language, you will find that compliments, reassurance, and words of encouragement are what build you up. Words mean everything to you and either move you or wreck you. So of course if this is your love language, you can use this as a way to feed yourself positive mantras and self-affirmations that will uplift you. For instance, as my second top love language, the way I use words of affirmation is by writing letters to myself to later re-read in the future and reflect and celebrate on how far I have come. I have written letters to my younger self, my present self, and my future self with kind and encouraging words to later re-read. You can use this method as I do, or you can write affirmations on post-its and place them anywhere around where you will remember to read them, for instance, this can be your vanity in your room or your nightstand table. 

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These are just a couple of ways that you can use your love language to integrate what you learn into your relationship with yourself and to practice self-care. If you would like to learn more about your love language, forgot what it is, or have never taken the quiz, you can take it here. And remember, loving others begins with ourselves!