Life. It has its up and its downs. Those moments of joy and moments of sadness.
This life has challenged each and every one. Whether the obstacle we faced was easy to step over or it was like a huge brick wall that was impossible to defeat. Sometimes we may wonder what life would be like if we could just wake up and live our lives with no fear, worry, or doubt. If that was the case, I would have been one of the first people to sign up for a life like that.
I am the type of person that thinks that their problems are miniscule compared to others. I have always been the shoulder to cry on rather than being the one to cry on a shoulder. You may be thinking “Why do you do that?” Trust me, I ask myself that same question every day. I continue to live with this ongoing pit in my stomach that tells me: “You aren’t good enough,” “Why even try? You are going to fail anyway,” well that my friends is my anxiety talking.
People think that there is only a textbook definition of “mental illness.” Mental illness is usually seen in a negative light, but why is that? Why is it that people who take medication to feel better are automatically characterized as crazy or neurotic? Those stigmas are the reasons why I put a mask on to show people that I am always the happy and bubbly person that walks in a room. Contrary to popular belief, I too am a slave to my anxiety.
I consider my anxiety to be another person. A person whose sole purpose is to belittle me in everything that I do. The constant reminder that I am not good enough and will always be a failure. Kind of like my own personal bully that I can’t escape from. The reality is that it’s just me being my own worst enemy. It hasn’t been easy to deal with. When I first came to terms with it, I thought that I was crazy. Everyone considers me to be a beam of light that walks into any room. The one that can make a joke out of anything. How can I have anxiety? What I have come to realize is that everyone deals with this. No matter how hard you may think that you are 100% ok, you deal with some anxiety in your life.
In my case, I have a very minimal form of anxiety. I do not take medication for it but it is something that I struggle with every day. I allowed my anxiety to take over my life for a very long time, I am not saying that I have conquered the battle but I have learned to cope with it. Believe it or not, my anxiety is what drives me to be a better version of myself. It motivates me to prove other people wrong. But more importantly, it pushes me to prove that pit in my stomach wrong. I am capable of doing the impossible, so are you.
It is important to know the resources that are available to you if you do feel this way. It may be talking to family, friends, or people that have experienced the same things. Our campus has these resources that are readily available to students and they are here to help. Others might want to help you but you first have to want to help yourself. You are not going to master the rest of your life in one day. Relax. Master the day, then just keeping doing that in order to live your best life.