As an appropriately aged (technically adult), university undergraduate, it would make sense to be well on your way towards reaching your childhood ambitions of being an actual grown up by now.
Here are some things you might have noticed if you’re beginning to sense the imminent arrival of adulthood into your life:
1) You’re finally starting to like the taste of coffee, and you now have several cups a day.
(Albeit, only with six sugars each, and only because you’re hung-over mess of a body refuses to function without it.)
2) You palette has matured so that you can enjoy a glass of red wine now and again.
(Or maybe you’re indifferent to the colour, eight glasses in.)
3) You have your own bank account, with a credit score.
(But there’s nothing in it, and your credit score is abysmal.)
4) You have a fully functioning email account
(That you never check because you can’t remember your password. And the only emails you get are spam, or Pizza Hut thanking you for your recent order.)
5) You host posh dinner parties.
(Otherwise known as that one time you hosted friends for a takeaway, when you got so sloshed that etiquette quickly went out the window.)
6) You pay your own bills.
(Somehow, to someone. You don’t know how much, and let’s be honest; your parents are probably helping you out quite a bit.)
7) You do your own food shopping.
(But the only things you come home with are Simpsons’ spaghetti hoops, chocolate cake and a bottle of lambrini.)
8) You see yourself as a sexually liberated female.
(But your attitude towards the male-kind could not be described as mature on any level.)
9) You are studying for a degree at a prestigious Russell group university.
(But you don’t really know what that means. Who is Russell?)
10) You pack your handbag with potentially useful objects for each day.
(Every bag you own is perpetually full of sh** you don’t need, and probably has some mouldy fruit inside.)
11) You no longer watch irrelevant, juvenile TV; instead you watch important, factual documentaries.
(Like ‘The Man with the Ten Stone Testicles’.)
12) You count yourself as an independent woman.
(Who refuses even to go to the loo alone.)
13) You share a house with people your own age.
(But someone’s Mum, on at least one occasion, has told you off for the disgusting condition of the place and unwillingly cleaned it for you.)
14) And finally: You’ve reached the age where it’s possible to sensibly enjoy just a couple of drinks at the pub.
(Followed by half a bottle of tequila in a bar, multiple shots of sambuca in the club, and a long walk/crawl back home [to the house that you don’t own.])
It seems we’ve got a bit of way to go yet.
Never mind.
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