So, there you are, sitting at your desk, trying to get your head around that 2000-word essay you’ve been putting off for weeks or revising for an exam you know is just not happening. You’ve tried everything (except focusing). But wait, something magical happens. You glance at your desk, and it hits you like a caffeine rush at 3 a.m. This is it. This is the moment. I was born to be a rock star.
Forget writing that essay. Forget the revision. This is the new era of procrastination. You are going to form a band. With office supplies. And trust me, it’s going to be glorious.
Step 1: The Inspiration Hits
It starts innocently enough. You pick up a stapler, fiddling with it absentmindedly as you struggle to remember where you left your motivation. Suddenly, you hit it. Click. That sound? Pure percussion. You raise your eyebrows. Could it be…? Could this simple office supply be the first member of your band? Yes. Yes, it could.
Step 2: Percussion – The Stapler
First, you need to start with percussion. The stapler is your drum kit, your backbone, your steady rhythm section. The metallic click-click when you press down? That’s a snare drum in action. Try a few other beats by tapping it on your desk; this is the beginning of your signature groove. You can also experiment with using a stapler to hit other things: a pencil, the back of a book, the edge of a mug. Each surface will offer up a new flavour to your percussion. Before you know it, you’re making complex rhythms that could rival the greatest drummers of all time.
Step 3: Strings – The Paper Clips
Next, the paper clips. They’re the lead guitars of your band, and you’re going to use them in ways no one ever thought possible. Start by straightening a couple of paper clips, and voila! You’ve got yourself an impromptu string instrument. Strum them along the edge of your desk – you, my friend, are now playing a guitar solo…with a paperclip. You can even go full rockstar and attach a few paper clips to your stapler for a makeshift “pick-up” guitar. Let’s face it, you’re probably the first person ever to shred on a paperclip guitar. (Note: You may or may not be slightly proud of this.)
Step 4: Wind Instruments – The Pen and Ruler
Now we’re getting sophisticated. It’s time to add a wind instrument. Don’t have a clarinet lying around? No problem! You’re going to use a pen as a wind instrument. If you’re feeling particularly artsy, try holding the pen between your lips and blowing into it, creating a high-pitched squeak that will surely confuse any flat mates or family members. You’re basically Mozart, but with more awkward squeaks. For the jazzier edge, use a ruler like a slide whistle. Hold it vertically and flick your finger along the edge to create weirdly satisfying “wah-wah” sounds. A quick slide down the ruler, and you’ve got the blues. This is your band’s moment of creativity – don’t hold back.
Step 5: Vocal Style – The Sharpie
The band needs a frontperson, right? And this is where the Sharpie comes in. You’ve got the power to create unique vocal stylings by singing into the Sharpie’s felt tip for that “gritty” sound. Not exactly a microphone, but close enough, and far more stylish. Or use the Sharpie as a dynamic air microphone by twirling it around while dramatically delivering a non-existent song’s lyrics. (Bonus points if you’re singing about your struggle with procrastination.)
Step 6: Band Name
No band is complete without a name, and by this point, you’ve gotten so deep into your office supplies Rockstar persona that naming your band should come naturally. Consider some inspired options based on your tools:
- The Desk Drummers
- Metallic Links
- Permanent Marks
- Edge of Precision
- Click and Bind
Step 7: Putting It All Together
Now that you have your instruments – Stapler on drums, Paperclips on strings, Pen on wind, Ruler on the blues, and Sharpie on vocals – it’s time to create the hit song. Sure, you’re not exactly winning any Grammys anytime soon, but you’re having fun (and, let’s be honest, avoiding that essay). Go ahead and play for hours, using every piece of office stationery you own in increasingly ridiculous ways. In fact, maybe start a concept album about procrastination. Your magnum opus could be called The Office Supplies Chronicles: A Journey of Avoidance.
Step 8: The Next Step (a.k.a. The Real World)
Of course, this is all just a creative exercise to keep you from completely spiralling into procrastination. Eventually, you’ll need to tackle your essay or crack open your textbooks for some serious revision (and yes, that band of office supplies has to come to an end). But don’t worry, if nothing else, you’ve just discovered your hidden artistic talent and definitely found a better way to waste time. So, when the next exam or deadline looms, and you find yourself wondering how you can possibly keep putting things off…remember this: your stapler, paper clips, and ruler are waiting for their encore performance. And when the band finally breaks up? It’s just another office supply-inspired legend in the making.