Being bullied, at any age, is a hard thing to have to deal with. This year, the theme for Anti-Bullying Week was All Different, All Equal to reinforce the notion that all victims of bullying should not be afraid to be unique. In honor of Anti-Bullying week, I have written this article with the aim of letting people know and understand the various forms of bullying that can occur, as well as ways to overcome or deal with bullying if you are struggling or know someone that is.
So here are the facts that should be more widespread about the effects of bullying:
– Bullying is the main reason why children aged 11 years or under contact Childline
– Bullying is the leading concern for boys contacting Childline
– 45% of young people experience bullying before the age of 18.
– 36% of young people aged 8 to 22 are worried about being bullied at school, college or university.
– 38% believe their school, university or college doesn’t take bullying seriously
– More than 16,000 young people are absent from school because of bullying
– 83% of young people say bullying has a negative impact on their self-esteem
– 30% of young people have gone on to self-harm as a result of bullying
– 10% of young people have attempted to commit suicide as a result of bullying
– Those who have been bullied are more than twice as likely to have difficulty in keeping a job, or committing to saving compared to those not involved in bullying
– People who have been bullied are at bigger risk of health problems in adulthood, and over six times more likely to be diagnosed with a serious illness, smoke regularly, or develop a psychiatric disorder compared to those who have not been bullied
– Over the last three years there has been an 87 % increase in the number of Childline’s counseling sessions about online bullying
– 40% of 7 to 11 year old victims of bullying also know someone who has been cyberbullied
– 7 in 10 young people aged between 13 and 22 have been a victim of cyberbullying
– An estimated 5.43 million young people in the UK have experienced cyberbullying, with 1.26 million subjected to extreme cyber-bullying on a daily basis
The term we coin as ‘bullying’ actually has no legal definition, but can, however, be described as a form of behaviour carried out by an individual or a group with the purpose to intimidate or influence someone negatively. What distinguishes bullying from simply acting mean towards someone is that bullying is specifically repetitive. Bullying can be hard to categorize in regard to how it happens, especially if it is done discreetly. However, to put it in simple terms, bullying occurs when there is an imbalance of power, where the perpetrator feels he is in a place of superiority over the victim who is, in turn, inferior, and subject to that power being used against them.
Although there is no single definition for ‘bullying’ , there is, however, a controversial definition for the term ‘bully’: “A person who uses strength or influence to harm or intimidate those who are weaker’. This past week, the anti-bullying campaign set up by the charity ‘The Diana Award’ has been highlighting the term ‘weak’ used to describe those being bullied, by making the hashtag #IAMNOTWEAK a trending topic on social media in an attempt to get this definition changed. I believe this notion needs to be embedded into society, to further perpetuate the idea that being the victim of something does not necessarily coincide with being weak.
Whilst popular forms of media such as film often have a very one-dimensional portrayal of bullying, the nature of bullying in all of its forms is that of complexities and often has very severe consequences. There are four forms of bullying: verbal, physical, social, and cyber, each one emotionally traumatic in its own way. Unfortunately, whilst physical and verbal bullying would have been the most common form of bullying maybe twenty years ago, the increased use and presence of social media in our daily lives means that places like Twitter have become sites for some of the worst cases of bullying, which is harder to monitor due to anonymity. Therefore, being aware of the nature of bullying and how to spot it in a modern day society is even more important.
Despite one of the most common places for bullying being in a school, this does not exempt it from affecting people in university or in the workplace. Thus it is important to allow the conversation to be continued for adults affected by bullying, and for adult bullies., It is often surprising to find that some of the basic concepts of kindness that we teach children are not integrated by many adults in our society, and thus their behaviour has a negative impact on other adults. Here are some tips which, from personal experience with bullying, I have used to cope with such behaviour. Of course, bullying is subjective and how to deal with it is respective to each situation, but these are some general things I hope will help:
- Anyone who goes out of their way to purposefully demean and maliciously hurt others are themselves hurting inside.
- Talk to someone. I cannot stress this enough: whilst you may feel in the dark and alone, there is always someone who will be more than happy to just sit and listen to you. This can be a parent, a teacher, a friend, a wellbeing officer, a helpline etc.
- Hearing people say ‘ this will make you stronger or help you grow as a person’ can be really distressing when bullying causes so much psychological damage and trauma. Try to understand where people are coming from when they make comments like this, most of the time they are only trying to help.
- You may not see it now but you will look back on it and realise that you in no way, shape, or form would be the same person without having experienced it, as awful as it may be. Embrace the fact this is part of your past, which although by no means defines you, will always have the fact you went through it and survived.
- Schools do have an anti-bullying policy, so if you feel that your school is not reacting seriously to what you or others are going through, please challenge them.
- This is not your fault. Some people who bully have a very manipulative way of making you feel as though you deserve this when that is really not the case.
- Although I have always been the biggest advocate for standing up for what you believe in, and essentially not ever allowing someone to treat you poorly and get away with it, with a bully they so desperately want you to react. Do not give them the satisfaction of letting them know that they have hurt you because that is their initial intent.
- Power dynamics are very important in regards to bullying. When someone feels insecure or lacking in love and attention, they seek to hurt and tear down others in order to lift themselves up even if this self-confidence boost is artificial and as a by-product hurts others in the process.
- This may sound odd but when someone is acting out of hate and bitterness often the best way to respond is with love and kindness (and those who bully need it the most). Responding in this way might surprise the person bullying you or may help them gain perspective on their actions.
- Pretend you have a shield around you. Walking into school or in any situation knowing people are watching you can be very daunting, try and use your imagination and picture yourself guarded, with every negative thought and action bouncing off right back to the bully themselves.
- It’s not about you, it’s about them.
Don’t forget, you are never alone in your fight, there are always people around you, willing to help get you through a difficult time. Be aware that you can use the campus resources, like the WellBeing team, to talk about how you feel or to seek help either with current bullying or with past bullying experiences. Bullying and its effects on young people need to be talked about more in our current society, and there need to be more resources put in place to help the victims, and the bullies themselves. If you feel strongly about helping people or want to talk about your own experiences, there are many anti-bullying organizations like the Anti-Bullying Alliance looking for volunteers.