Because clearly Emory is so dank that I can only really complain about their straws.
There is nothing like treating yourself to a well-deserved coffee. Imagine waiting in line for it, pondering what you will order, and when it is ready, dreaming about that first sip and the magical taste that will engulf your mouth. Now imagine instead all of those dreams going down the toilet because of a straw dysfunction. Here I have compiled a list of the faulty straws on campus. Use this as a warning guide… in the spirit of Halloween, BEWARE!
1. Blue Donkey
Only available at the farmer’s markets on Tuesdays, Blue Donkey is the coffee highlight of my week. That being said, nothing is as much of a downer as sitting in class slowly sipping on your coffee, only to realize that your straw has disintegrated! They have “sustainable” straws (merely straws made out of paper), which are rendered soggy after just minutes of being submerged. Sorry Blue Donkey, but soggy straw is not my first choice of flavor.
2. Pete’s Coffee
For late nights in the lib, coffee is not only a nice refreshment, but a source of strength to power through work. Unfortunately, when trying to guzzle down mass amounts of caffeine, straws that shred pose an impending problem. Word to the wise—to save time, grab a handful of straws to counteract the inevitable breakage.
3. Kaldi’s
Undeniably, these straws are awful! On many occasions, I have had straws with straight up HOLES in them. Come on, Kaldi’s. You are new! Make a good first impression.
4. Highland Bakery
As a Highland Bakery groupie, I can accurately say that I have never had a problem with these straws. Keep up the good work, and don’t change your supplier!
Pretty much, Emory is trying to tell us that our lofty tuition does not include straws with sufficient sippage, so keep that in mind on your next Target run. Picking up an industrial-sized pack of straws may just be the best investment you make all year.
All gifs courtesy of giphy.com.