The Most Absurd Halloween Costumes of 2017

A wise woman once said: "In the real world, Halloween is when kids dress up in costumes and beg for candy. In Girl World, Halloween is the one day a year when a girl can dress up like a total slut and no other girls can say anything else about it."

That intellectual sociologist was none other than our love and leader Cady Heron from Mean Girls. And yes, she could not have been more spot on in her assessment.

However, surfing the Internet for my perfect costume, I found that the selection has most definitely expanded over the past year. Gone are the days of the basic bunny or the sexy vampire. Ah, how I lament the loss!

Now, it seems like Halloween costumes have reached a whole new level. To draw attention to this worrisome epidemic, here are a few of the most absurd costumes of 2017.


1. In The Moood

No. No, no, no, no. There is not nor will there ever be anything sexy about dressing up like a cow – EVEN if you plaster a sexual pun on the front of the costume.

Costume available here.

2. Trump Mexico Will Pay Costume Jumpsuit

Is this even politically correct? LMK.

Costume available here.


3. Sexy Ali Hamilton

OK, so now we’re turning our founding fathers into sexy Halloween costumes?? Not sure how I feel about this one...not really sure how Lin Manuel would feel, either. 

Costume available here.


4. Twisted Clown

Maybe it’s just me, but I think it’s too soon after that whole terrorizing clown ordeal last year to create such a creepy costume.

Costume available here.


5. Sexy Pizza

I am of the humble opinion that pizza is sexy enough as it is, without being turned into a tight, skimpy dress. Thank you very much.

Costume available here.


6. Reality Star in the Making

Simultaneously the most horrendous and incredible costume of 2017, this pregnant Kylie Jenner costume screams: “I’m a millennial and I radiate pop culture.” Rock (a much cheaper version of) Kylie’s stylish white dress with a baby bump this Halloween.

Costume available here.


So there you have it. Has society gone too far? Maybe. But are these costumes ridiculously hilarious? Absolutely.