Joining a sorority was never something that I thought would be part of my college experience. Telling my friends from home that I was even considering going through the recruitment process was initially met with laughs. Then, it was met with an awkward silence to fill the lag in conversation once they realized that I was not joking with them. “That’s so not you,” was also something I heard a lot when deciding to register for Novemberfest last semester, and even more so once finalizing my application for formal recruitment.
Initially, the group mentality freaked me out a bit: overuse of the word ‘sister,’ the matching t-shirts, all of us rushees marching into the lodges kept in orderly lines while not permitted to speak with one another. “This,” I thought to myself, “is exactly what I don’t want.” But once I actually got inside the lodges, I realized there was a reason I was standing in line—a part of me, however small, longed to be part of this world. And so I entered into it, initially with not so open arms.
As the rounds went on, I learned a lot about what being in a sorority actually means; I stopped viewing it as this vapid all-consuming clique of conformees. The girls I spoke with were nothing like what I saw in movies or heard about through friends of friends. These girls were actual people with actual lives outside of the three letters that I wrongly assumed would consistently define them on campus and beyond. I’ve learned a few things throughout the rush process that I think will be helpful to girls going through what I did just this past weekend.
1. Dealing with the blatant judgment of others
Part of this process means putting yourself out there and saying, “Hi. This is me. Try to figure me out in five to ten minutes and let your sisters know how you feel about it.” It can feel crazy judgmental…and for the most part, that’s exactly what it is. I didn’t want to believe that all of the outside stuff—the stuff that shouldn’t really matter or define you—does matter in a real way. It took a lot for me to walk into those lodges and accept what was going on all around me. Hundreds of girls making small talk, being (for lack of a better word) judged on everything they say, do, and appear to be. It’s important to remember that you’re not alone in this; millions have gone through recruitment before you, millions will go through it in the future, and all you can do is let your best self come through in those few minutes you are allotted. It’s awkward and nerve racking and frankly uncomfortable, but at the end you’ll come out knowing it was worth it.
2. Trusting your instincts
It’s important to let as much of yourself show in those five-minute conversations as you possibly can, so you know what the best fit will be for you. I really tried to pay attention to how members of each sorority not only treated myself and the other girls rushing, but also the way they treated one another. I wanted to feel it in my gut that the decision I was making was the right one, and that I would be “at home” where I ended up. I can honestly say that throughout this process, I have not allowed myself to be swayed by the opinions of those around me, and I am proud of myself for that. I wanted to be where I would be celebrated for being the individual that I am, not solely a member of a group. I wanted to be me, and to do that, I needed to trust myself—trust that I was doing what was best for me and not merely appeasing others, trust that I felt comfortable and confident among the girls I would soon call “sisters,” and trust that deep down I wanted to be a part of something bigger than myself.
So go with your gut, where you will feel like you are among people who will be proud to call you “sister.” For me, this whole process was a two-way street: it was not merely about how I presented myself to them, but also how they reciprocated once it was their turn to connect with me. Have real conversations and give them substance. If a sister is tired, good! Acknowledge it. If she is acting like there is something wrong, great! Ask how their day is going and listen to what they have to say. Listening, I learned, is always a good option.
3. Accepting that this process is in part out of your control
Sitting and waiting for your schedule to arrive or for that text from your Pi Chi letting you know when and where to meet them is nerve racking. Sitting and waiting an extra week for bid day because of “snow” was infuriating. I’ve always had an issue with things that are out of my control and, for the most part, this process is just that. As the rounds become longer and more intimate, the process of mutual selection really frightened me. As well as I thought my conversations went or as nice as the girls in the house were, at the end of the day they need to want me back…and that is scary. Rejection is scary. Not knowing is scary.
But should I have allowed that to ruin this one-of-a-kind experience? Absolutely not. I have accepted that there is not much I can do aside from being myself. So, do that. Be yourself. Because if that is not enough, then what is this all about anyway?