Graduating soon, and absolutely terrified? Read this if you’re feeling alone.
My name is Zoe Rivera, I go to Emerson College, and I am a Writing, Literature & Publishing Major. That sentence has been a major facet of my identity for the past few years. And now, in a few months, it won’t be anymore.
College has been pretty crazy. I changed so many times and in so many ways throughout the years, but there was one thing that was consistent. The fact that I was, and have been for as long as I can remember, a student.
There are a few reasons why I’m not ready to graduate. My college experience has been abnormal, to say the least, from the pandemic hitting my freshman year, to living at home, where I reconnected with family and friends from high school. I moved off campus when I came back halfway through sophomore year, and I have lived off campus ever since. This means I only lived in the dorms of my college for a few months out of the entire experience. I spent most of my time in class at home, on zoom, alone, which was very different from the experience I expected. I feel like I missed out on college, and there’s nothing I can really do about it. This feeling is only exacerbated by the fact that I’m still only 20, and I haven’t been to a bar or club, and I’m graduating. It all feels so overwhelming.
I have gotten wonderful things out of college. I have also had shitty experiences in college. I will miss it dearly, but I am also so, so ready to be done. Even though I am not 100% ready to graduate, as it approaches, I realize that I am. I believe that everything happens for a reason, and while this reason may be the number of credits I happened to have, I was still meant to graduate college before I legally can enter a bar.
It gives me time. Time to figure out if I want to become a lawyer, like my dad, or a writer, or work in nonprofits, or teach. Time to figure out who I am, where I want to live, who I want to surround myself with. And I need time.
Despite the fact that I don’t know what I want to do, I am excited for the next chapter in my life. I am excited to start figuring out who I am as a person with a degree rather than a person getting one. I am excited to have it all together and watch it all fall apart again and again. I am excited for failure and more failure and more success than I could ever want. I am excited to move, or stay where I am, or go back to New Jersey.
I may not be ready to graduate, but every day, I look forward to it more and more. The future is finally here, and I’m excited. I have the support of my friends, family and girlfriend. I am scared, but in a good way, which I never have been before. I have come to think of it as an opportunity rather than an ending. Hopefully it will all be okay.