I don’t know where I’m going to be tomorrow, and it makes me scared. I watch my friends. I watch them close. They’re getting ready to apply to professional school, and they know what they want to do. They have it all figured out, but I have no idea. I can’t tell if my skills are better served diagnosing patients or moving abroad and writing romance novels. I can’t tell where I’m supposed to be or how I’m even going to get there.
I don’t know where I’m going to be tomorrow, and I feel confused. When my mother asks me what she should do when people ask her what I’m doing with my life, I have no response. I want to say something, have an idea, but the words, just can’t come out. Even in times when I feel as if I’m getting ahead, my lack of knowing makes me feel like my progress is not as good as everyone else’s around me. I find myself wondering why I can’t see tomorrow like everyone else, and I begin to wonder; if tomorrow will ever come. I wonder if I am making the right decisions and if I am going to make myself proud. I wonder if the reason I can’t see tomorrow is that it is nonexistent in my book.
I don’t know where I’m going to be tomorrow.
I listen to the words fall off my mouth, and then it hits me. I think of my friends. I think of them graduating from Duquesne and starting the next chapter of their lives. I know many of them will be happy where they end up, but a bunch of them will end up finding something else, something better for them. I know a bunch of people may think they know what they want to be, but then they will end up changing their career path. I know life is bound to throw challenges at them too, and everything we ever dreamed; may not turn out how we thought in the first place.
Tomorrow is not promised; therefore, there is no way of truly knowing what it may bring. I may not know where I will be tomorrow, but the thoughts, the constant obsession of feeling behind, causes me to miss out on the beauty of today. The late-night chats with my sister, the days of going to school with some of the best people I’ve ever met in my lifetime, are slowly coming to an end, and with the constant obsession about tomorrow, I’m wasting the precious moments of today.
I do not know where I’m going to be tomorrow, but for once, I am okay. I plan to soak in the last bits of my college years and not take for granted the memories I get to experience and share today. I plan to stay on campus a little longer to catch up with my friends, join and start organizations that I genuinely enjoy and stand for, and be open to meeting new people. I plan to make mistakes and to learn from them before I graduate. I want to enjoy this part of my life just a little longer…and when the sun begins to go down, and the clock strikes midnight, it is only then that I can finally begin to think about; where I’m going to be tomorrow.