According to Oxford Dictionary, stress is a state of mental or emotional strain or tension resulting from adverse or very demanding circumstances. As someone who experiences it a lot, I define stress as a state of anxiety that affects one mentally, emotionally, and in extreme cases physically.
Growing up, I remember my parents being stressed out about work, bills, money and even about my siblings and I. Every time more got added to their plate I would see them smoke a cigarette or drink a beer. I would always ask what could I do to help, and their response was always the same: “This is not for you to worry about, honey. Stay a child while you can, because when you get older life hits you and it’s going to hit hard.” I hated when they said that, because I wanted nothing more than to help them. To see them stressed out, hurt me, but little did I know they were telling me the truth.
In high school, stress was only something I experienced when I had something due and I waited until the last minute to do it. Yes, this happened a lot because I am a professional procrastinator, but the stress wasn’t that intense. It would last the amount of time it took me to finish the assignment or project and then it would be over.
Then, I got to Duke. I don’t know if it’s like this at other colleges, because I’ve only ever attended Duke, but I find myself to be in a constant state of stress here. Literally, as soon as I set foot on campus, no matter how long I’ve been gone or if I have nothing due, I instantly become stressed. Whenever someone asks me, “How’s life,” I can’t help but respond with “In shambles. My life is in shambles.” Most people don’t know how to respond to this, so some laugh, others respond with “Are you okay?” (which is a trigger for me, because 9 times out of 10 when people ask you this you are not okay). So I just respond with “Yup, don’t worry. I’m always like this. I’ll be better when I leave here.”
I say all this to say, that as my journey at Duke ends, I am not ashamed to say I will not miss it. I will not miss the constant feeling that there is always something I should be doing. I will not miss the constant feeling that I have to compete with people who are supposed to be my peers. I will not miss the feeling that my best is not good enough.