I am writing this piece on World Mental Health Day, which is, ironically, also the same day mid-term grades were released for DePauw University students. With this in mind, I am typing as if my fingers have a mind of their own and the relationship they have with my keyboard is out of my hands. As an observer of how people speak about themselves and about others, I can’t help but notice how our dialogues impose implicit expectations.
In a culture that celebrates only growth and upwards inclines, it can feel burdensome to not live up to these expectations of constant growth. Social media is over-saturated with only celebrating or announcing the happy moments, or it over-exaggerates negativity in a way to be humorous and relatable, forcing the expectation that we must always laugh at our pitfalls instead of allowing ourselves to be disappointed. Being vulnerable does not weaken your core or foundation as a strong, determined individual.
And yet, being vulnerable or failing are our biggest worries. We’ve all seen the imagery or heard the cliches:
“It can only go up from here.”
“It gets worse before it gets better.”
“It’s okay to make mistakes– mistakes are just happy accidents.”
“Learn from your mistakes so as to not repeat them.”
If these mantras give you some form of comfort, then go ahead and recite them as affirmations. However, it also makes sense for them to weigh you down. They can impose this pressure and expectation that everything has to be positively linear, that everything is a constant progression of growth. For several people, that is not the case. Your journey, your progress, your recovery– it is not realistic for these things to be linear or sequential.
There does not need to be a silver lining to every mistake you make. Not every mistake needs to have a lesson or a “bright side”. It is okay to feel upset by these mistakes. In fact, it is also okay to repeat your mistakes– you do not have to only give yourself one chance to fail at something.
Moreover, every “stage” in your life does not have to be synonymous with you climbing up a step “up” of a ladder or staircase. You can go a few steps down from time to time, get back up again, go down again, etc. You can even take some pauses and stay on a step. There is no shame in this– it is okay to take a break and see how far you’ve gone.
It is important that you move (or even stay constant) at your own pace. You are not a singular continuous stem of a vine that sprouts once and continues to shoot upwards. You can twist and knot. You can tangle with some vines or unwind from others. You can grow and wilt before growing again.
It is important that we allow ourselves the grace and kindness to change paths as we would give to others. I hope this piece may serve as a reminder of that for those who need it.