As someone who has been burned by ‘friends’ before, I can say with utmost confidence that having toxic friends in your life at least once is a rite of passage now. Surprisingly, there exist a couple of different versions of a toxic friend out there, and the stereotypical ‘mean girl’ isn’t the only one you should be looking out for. The outwardly forward at being mean friends are easy to spot, and they make it hard to ignore them. You can always spot them in the crowd but because of their loud personality, many of us are slightly intimidated to stand up to them. However, certain people just don’t care about this toxicity, it doesn’t affect them and they learn to ignore their existence. While this is one way to co-exist with people who try to pull you down in life, I would suggest cutting them out of your life will always be the better option for you as well as your other loved ones who may be getting affected by such people.
Here are the tricky ones that you need to really look at though, the ones who go unnoticed. The ones who mess up your mental state to a point that you start questioning yourself. The ones who are cunning enough to turn your close friends against you because manipulating for them is like unwrapping a birthday gift, easy and satisfying. There are people out there who befriend you just out of pure jealousy. Their envy is the fuel for their actions. They notice you from afar and dream about how it must be for you, in a way you become their object of obsession. They don’t make their dislike towards you obvious, oh no my friend, they will make sure to be your best friends so that they can get close to you. It is when you put your guard down that they attack like a conniving viper. The venom takes a little time to take over your mind and by the time you start rethinking everything that makes you, YOU, they would have disappeared in the shadows wiping their hands clean.
Okay, let’s pause and rewind a bit from the serious monologue that is happening up there. I might have let too much personal get mixed with the professional for a second. What I want for my lovely readers is to NOT make the same mistake as yours truly. While it is always good to have friends to depend on, be extremely careful of the new people you let into your life. There are a lot of people out there with hidden malicious intents. We already saw what drives such people; envy, hatred, jealously, and most probably some other issues that push them towards becoming people that gain pleasure out of other’s pain. This may make people sound like psychopaths, that is not my intention. Just that every action has its cause, so, any person trying to hurt you must have been hurt themselves in some way or another. Misery loves company, doesn’t it?
So, now you may ask how can one protect themselves from such toxicity? Well, there are two ways to go about this situation. The first is to trust the people in your life who you absolutely believe have only your best intentions in mind. They will for the most part be able to find discrepancies in someone’s behavior. The other way around is to trust your gut. In your very first interaction with someone, you always will be able to gauge someone’s intentions towards you. It is just the matter of whether you decide to listen to the little voice in the back of your head or ignore it and then be blinded by the smokescreen of friendship forming in front of your eyes. There is of course a third way out but it may not be preferred or the most liked one but like I mentioned, getting burned by someone in your life is a necessary rite of passage. So, getting stabbed in the back or manipulated or getting trust issues because of someone you called your best friend is like a life lesson in its own twisted way. It mentally prepares you to be more cautious and aware of the new people you may meet in life. Every heartbreak teaches you something about yourself and the world around you.
Now you may wonder and start to question if you can find yourself in these words said above. How do you know if you’re slowly turning yourself into the toxic friend everyone tries to avoid? Is there a way to make sure you’re not becoming someone else’s cause of grief?
What everyone as a collective should do is make a conscious effort to look at their actions, to think before doing something, and to understand that every action has a reaction. We need to realize that we may think that someone else is living the perfect life that we wish for, but everyone is hiding a story of their own. Sure, some people might be getting off easy in the course of life but that doesn’t mean you must undermine someone’s problems. Learning to be a happier and kinder person doesn’t come easy but it’s what we need. Small actions of goodness have great impacts on others so, be a small drop in the vast ocean, my friend.
Every relationship you are getting into being it platonic or romantic, old or new, be sure to know the person you’re letting into your life. One of the hardest decisions might be when you are forced to cut ties with someone you kept close to your heart but don’t forget that you and your mental health should always be put first. It may hurt to lose someone at first but that pain is far more bearable than the one of betrayals that you are sure to face if you keep ignoring the red flags!