Breaking the Chains of Gender Roles and Emotional Repression
When we think of patriarchy, the first thing that comes to mind is the oppression of women—an undeniable truth. But have you ever considered the unseen grip patriarchy has on men? Their emotions, identities, and even their sense of self are also casualties of this rigid system. When we say patriarchy has chained down women for hundreds of centuries, I think what needs to be addressed, too, is that men have also been pushed to something similar. Patriarchy does not only restrict a female’s freedom, denying her basic human rights, it has stretched its prowess in the lives of men too: pushing them to an extent as to being the “man” of the house. The dysfunctional system that still stays prevalent, despite feminist advances, dehumanizes people of all genders alike. Men who do not conform with strict gender identities, trans men or queer men, basically who don’t ‘fit’ the rigid dogmas, are foisted with hatred and their individuality stands questioned.
Patriarchy and Emotional Repression: The need to follow a rigid gender spectrum is one thing that patriarchy demands of individuals. It demeans men who show much of their emotional sides and women who do not. Men are apparently supposed to hide their emotions, which takes a serious toll on their mental health. In a typical household, men are expected to bear the entire burden and act as the “provider” and go out to work, while women, if working, are still expected to handle the household chores. It also attempts to justify men’s entitlement of women and their supremacy over them, thereby giving rise to violence. Seeds of the male ego have been planted in their minds from an early age. It tries to justify the objectification and commodification of women. In India, nearly 32% of married women face spousal violence. According to the 2022 NCRB statistics, there were 124 acid attacks in India, and I cannot help but shudder at the thought of how many more go unreported. According to a study by psychologist Judy Chu, Ph.D., while boys might learn to conceal their relational capacities to align with societal expectations of masculinity, they do not lose these capacities entirely. This suggests that societal pressures can lead boys to modify their emotional expressions to conform to traditional masculine norms.
The Burden of Gender Roles: I believe all of it stems from a series of beliefs that young boys are moulded into from the very beginning of their childhood. As kids, boys are always taught to be ‘tougher’ and that anything infused through and through with violence (I do a web search on games for boys and a list that comprises of fighter planes, machine guns, ninjas and legos pops up), is considered ‘cool’ and is a code to ‘abide’ by. From being told not to be a ‘sissy’ to being told ‘Boys don’t cry’, as if crying is the patent for only girls. Bottling up their emotions is what is considered normal for males, which is so not true.
The emotional pressures and burdens of men are scarcely talked about. Recently, the #MenToo movement gained attention on social media, calling out to all feminists as to why this is not talked about. Well, people out there on online platforms are becoming voracious consumers of content and do not think about the stuff rationally. Saying that abuse faced by men isn’t talked about is true, but that in no way makes the grave domestic violence cases against women disappear. Abuse against any individual is an inhumane act and needs redressal. Posting content rooting that only women are facing violence or only underscoring men’s issues is just not humanly correct.
Unlearning Gender Norms: Emma Watson, a key advocate for HeForShe Movement, that was started by women of the UN which was well renowned for global initiatives addressing gender equality, emphasized in her 2014 speech at the United Nations how societal expectations discourage men from expressing vulnerability, leading to emotional repression and mental health struggles. She stated, “We don’t often talk about men being imprisoned by gender stereotypes, but I can see that they are“. Eliminating conforming roles formed based on gender would lead to a more inclusive space for all individuals. Unlearning patriarchy starts at home. We can challenge outdated norms by questioning why kitchen work is labeled as ‘women’s work’ or why pink is considered a ‘girl’s color’. Change begins with small actions. What else do you think should be done to dismantle these biases? A good starting point would be to not look down upon individuals, as there should not be any prerequisites that need to be fulfilled for a person to identify themselves in the society. Normalizing the taboos about men’s mental health and creating an inclusive societal structure would be in line with the true objectives of feminism.