Having grown up in the era of edgy grunge Tumblr, manic pixie dream girls and “Summertime Sadness” by Lana Del Rey, I always thought that hating myself was something cool to do. Hating yourself and being cynical about life was romanticized and made appealing to susceptible youth through music, movies and books. Having this mindset that not caring about your well-being is quirky or attractive really hinders you when you absorb it at such a young age.
It was not until late high school and early college that I really began to think about how the world we live in today makes us, specifically as women, feel about ourselves. We are marketed to by makeup and clothing brands that tell us we have to look a certain way. Nearly every diet commercial features a tall, skinny blonde that only emphasizes what society deems attractive. The female body is often exploited in movies and television, being seen as something that men can objectify and use for their own sexual purposes. Women are dehumanized in so many scenarios, reduced to being a commodity and an aesthetic asset whose only purpose is to accessorize men.
And to continue that, we have the patriarchy preying on the insecurities and forced submissiveness of women. For instance, there is the internalized male gaze, which is the idea that women view themselves in a way that men would view and sexualize them. This creates a pressure to look a certain way in order to appeal to that male gaze and to be deemed attractive. There is also the fact that most makeup, lingerie and clothing corporations are headed by men, whose goals are not to make you feel confident but to make you look good. Women and their insecurities are profited off of by so many corporations and businesses to the point where society points out every insecurity possible to make money.
Furthermore, self-hate culture only perpetuates the constant comparison and hatred of other women. When an individual hates themselves for not having a certain weight, hair type or height and they see another woman with that feature, the individual will often find themselves jealous or in a position of feeling inferior. We pit ourselves against other women because we are told by society that we have to be the prettiest since that is where our worth comes from. By not loving ourselves, we are only hurting ourselves and others.
And here is where it gets important to learn about the power of self-love and self-empowerment. Not only is this beneficial to ourselves and our mental health, but loving ourselves is a political act. By not participating in self-hate culture, we stop participating in the systematic structure that ties women to being viewed as only worthy because of their physical appearance. If we continue to belittle ourselves and let our insecurities rule over what we wear to certain places or how we do our hair or makeup, the cycle will only continue to exist.
If you can’t find reason to love yourself unconditionally, love yourself in spite of that fact and in spite of what society expects you to feel about yourself. Feeling empowered by your own body and your own appearance brings about a new air of confidence that is organic and authentic. Plus, you’ll anger the rich, white men who are profiting off of your insecurities, and how satisfying would that be?
Perhaps this is a more aggressive form of self-love and not the gentle “take a self-care day” Instagram post form of self-love. Yet, the more abrasive and persistent you are at loving yourself despite all of the adversaries that unfortunately exist against you and your body’s existence, the quicker and easier it will be to truly fall in love with yourself. And once you realize that you are absolute perfection and worthy of the world and more, then you’re unstoppable. Self-love can and will be hard to do, and unlearning all of the negative teachings and the shame associated with having a woman’s body might seem virtually impossible. But with determination and enough passion to want to break out of the system of self-deprecation and enter the system of acceptance, you will find that the reward is higher than any makeup brand can offer you.