Do you accept yourself? Are you happy with who you are, and the person you have become?
It’s a startling question and one which at first glance can be answered with a quick ‘yes’ and a swift change in conversation. Don’t we all accept ourselves as part of our daily routine? On the contrary, self-acceptance is not a default state; in the world of filtered Instagram influencers, comparison anxiety and a mental health crisis sweeping the young people of the 21st century, accepting ourselves as we are is becoming more of a challenge. Many of us have trouble accepting our flaws and failures; it is not enough to embrace the good, valuable, and positive parts of yourself, and accepting all the negative aspects of yourself can be difficult. Liking who we are involves exploring all facets of ourselves, recognizing weaknesses and limitations, and not allowing them to interfere with our ability to fully accept ourselves.
Unconditional self-acceptance is understanding that you are separate from your actions and your qualities. You can understand that you make mistakes and have flaws, but they do not define who you are. In 1959, psychologist Carl Rogers outlined how important unconditional positive regard is in personal development. A person with high self-worth faces adversity and thrives regardless. Successful people experience challenges and accept failure as an inevitable part of life. They are open with others and can readily get over negative thoughts without letting this negativity rule their lives in a destructive way/
Leon F Seltzer Ph.D. outlines that to reach a state of unconditional self-acceptance, one must adopt an attitude of “self-pardon” for our transgressions. In analysing the behaviour which may hold us back from self-acceptance, we must view our actions in the context of what was innate in us, how compelling our needs were at the time, and what, back then, we believed about ourselves. Only by accepting our flaws can we forgive that part of ourselves.
So how can you improve your self-acceptance and become the person you want to be? Self-acceptance doesn’t happen overnight; however, there are steps you can take in learning to love yourself and treat yourself right. Being kind to yourself, confronting your fears, and staying positive will allow you to experience new things; fear of change can lead us to allow ourselves to get stuck inside our comfort zone. Forgiving yourself and others and believing that you are capable of accomplishing great things will serve to make you into a stronger and more powerful person. You’ve survived every adversity that you have faced so far, and you can face any challenge that comes your way.
An easy way to get started on building self-acceptance is positive self-talk; though you may feel silly at first repeating one or more of these statements to yourself can help you on your way to achieving self-love:
-
“I am a good and caring person and deserve to be treated with respect.”
-
“I am capable of achieving success in my life.”
-
“There are people who love me and will be there for me when I need them.”
-
“I deserve to be happy.”
-
“I am allowed to make mistakes and learn from them.”
The road to self-acceptance is long and rocky and can come more easily to some than others. But it is this road that must be travelled to reach the heights of fulfilment and self-actualisation in your life!