I’ve noticed something recently while scrolling through social media. It starts the same way almost every time:
“Can we normalise going to the cinema alone?”
“Can we normalise leaving work exactly on time?”
“Can we normalise not answering texts immediately?”
At first, it just seemed like another harmless internet trend, a phrase people repeat until it becomes part of the online vocabulary. But the more I heard it, the more it made me pause. Why are we asking permission to live ordinary lives?
The phrase “can we normalise” sounds innocent enough. It’s friendly, collaborative even, as if we’re all part of a giant committee deciding what behaviours society should accept next. But when you look closer, it reveals something interesting about the moment we’re living in.
It suggests that before we do something (even something small) we need reassurance that other people approve of it.
In a world where so much of our lives are shared online, maybe that isn’t surprising. Social media has turned everyday choices into public performances. There is always an audience: people watching, commenting, liking or disagreeing. Even the most mundane parts of life can suddenly feel like they might be judged.
So perhaps asking “can we normalise this?” is a way of testing the waters. A way of saying: I do this thing, please tell me I’m not strange for it. But there is something slightly ironic about this.Many of the things people ask to “normalise” are already completely harmless. Eating dinner early. Enjoying time alone. Wearing the same outfit twice in a week. Not wanting to go out every weekend.These are not radical behaviours. They are simply different preferences.
And yet the language of “normalising” frames them as if they need social approval before they can exist comfortably.It raises a bigger question: have we become so aware of other people’s opinions that we’ve started to lose confidence in our own?
For generations, social progress has come from people challenging what society considered normal. The idea that women should work, that mental health should be openly discussed, that people should live different kinds of lives, these changes didn’t happen because everyone politely asked for permission.
They happened because people questioned the rules.That’s the difference between asking to normalise something and challenging why it wasn’t normal in the first place.One asks for acceptance. The other questions the standard.
Of course, there is nothing wrong with people seeking reassurance. Humans have always wanted to feel that they belong. But there is a quiet risk when every behaviour needs a collective stamp of approval. If everything must be voted into normality, individuality starts to feel like something that needs justification.
Perhaps instead of trying to expand the definition of “normal,” we should start caring less about the word entirely. After all, the most confident people rarely ask if something is normal. They simply live in the way that suits them best. And often, once enough people do that, society eventually decides it was normal all along.