How To Get Over An Ex

Getting over your ex isn't always a piece of cake. It's more like a cupcake you want to smash on the ground and then possibly eat it, because, hello, the 3-second rule. 

One minute you are in full Taylor Swift mode, screaming,  

"We are never, EVER, getting back together"  

The next minute in tears with Adele's "Set Fire to the Rain." 

If we're being honest, there's definitely a stage of anger, and certainly a stage of mourning, and because no two relationships are alike, there is no perfect way to end one totally gracefully! 

If you do, indeed, have a real bleeding heart you will feel a variety of feelings after a breakup. That's actually a good thing, because it proves you have more love to give. Sure, it'll all get better in time, but with the right fuel, what if you could get over this no good, very bad, breakup, even faster? 

Now we've all heard all of the ways to get over an ex-boyfriend/ex-girlfriend, but no one tells you about the little things that really do get you through this rough moment. 

Knock your ex of that pedestal: 

For so long you’ve thought he/she was this amazing, perfect, super-good looking superhuman. Guess what? You’re wrong. 

 A.) Anyone without the sense to appreciate your WORSHIP has to be an idiot. 

B.) Imagine your ex farting. loud, disgusting, smelly farts. This is REALITY. 

C.) You won’t know when but we swear he/she will have gutting REGRET they let you go at some point, even if it’s not till their next “true love” crushes their tiny hearts. 

No Stalking: 

All restraining orders aside, you have to break off all contact or you will drive yourself crazy. Even if you’re a woman, BE A MAN, dammit!  

That means: 

  •  NO BEGGING. 

  •  No gifts, or “Say Anything” moments under your ex’s window.  

  • No sappy texts and snapchats.  

  • For the love of God, do not drunk-text.  

 

Do yourself a favour and delete his/her info from your phone ASAP.  

It will feel good, I swear. 

  

Chuck those Sappy Moments : 

Unless your ex bought you a  fancy car, pile up all those gifts, photos and junk and do one of three things:  

  • TRASH IT,  

  • RE-GIFT IT  

Or  

  • SELL IT.  

Definitely burn or bury all pictures and notes, these are toxic. But gifts, clothing, games and such, these once precious gems can make you a buck on E-Bay. 

Kiss Your “Borrowed” Stuff Goodbye : 

Boo-hoo, it’s your favourite DVD, your hoodie or €60 for a phone bill. Unless it’s major money, a family heirloom or your pet, let your stolen stuff go. It will not be worth the pain of revisiting your relationship just to reclaim a T-Shirt. Don’t exchange your dignity for crap you’ll forget about in a month. 

Remember the Bad Times 

When you’re all longing & nostalgic, think of the MILLION times your ex wasn't the kindest to you. Make a list and remembering all the bad things from fighting, standing you up, etc. Come to think of it, your ex pretty much sucks! 

Forget about it: 

In the end, they key is to take a page out of “Eternal Sunshine Of The Spotless Mind” – a story where Jim Carey pays to have Kate Winslett erased from his memory. Unfortunately, till that service exists – you’re going to have to go with distracting yourself with one of the old 3 B’s:  

  • Booze,  

  • Ben& Jerrys  

  •  Boys.  

Good luck – and remember: your ex is farting somewhere right now.