I never had a diary when I was growing up. The idea of pouring out my feelings on a piece of paper seemed pointless. Yet I loved to write; I loved words as a puzzle, their ability to communicate, to find the perfect combination to deliver a powerful message. In middle and high school my favorite thing to do was write speeches for class. I was definitely not the most outgoing, talkative, or smartest kid, but I was most confident when I was standing behind the rickety podium, speech in hand. Delivering the lines I was so proud of with power and a commanding presence.
That power from writing, that emotion that comes with it, I rediscovered recently when a friend recommended I freewrite about something that was really bothering me. I smiled and thought about why I never kept a diary. She told me to grab my computer, put my headphones on, and just write about what was going on. No correcting, just writing, whatever comes to mind. In a sense journaling, but much more focused. It felt a little silly at first, but as the words and lines came, simple, yet very emotional, I realized how much I needed this release of thought. Something that had been on my mind, so all consuming, was partially released.
I am not someone that avoids confrontation; if I feel something is off in my relationship with someone I will address it. I think communication is so important in establishing trust and I am not someone that shies away from discussing how I feel. People that know me well know that I am often brutally honest, but in this situation I couldn’t attack the problem head on. It wasn’t an option, and because of that it was tearing me up inside. So I wrote about it. And wrote and wrote some more. And when I finally stopped typing I was crying. Because I was sad and I was angry and frustrated that this was something I couldn’t solve by simply being honest and genuine. It was messy, complicated, ugly, but at least I was starting to take ownership of it.
So here I am telling you that you should freewrite. It doesn’t need to be about negative feelings. Please write about things you are hopeful about, things that are nerve-wracking yet also really exciting or something that you are proud of. I think it is a powerful tool, because words are powerful, and YOU are powerful. It isn’t for anyone other than yourself, and that is enough of a reason to try it.
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