Amongst all the positive and motivational discourse that emerges during the new year, there is little room for any negative emotion. I think the “new year, new me” mentality is great for those who feel inspired to make changes in their lives. But for those that feel unmotivated, lonely, or sad at the start of the year or semester, know that your feelings are valid – and that negative emotion and productivity can co-exist.
What is toxic positivity?
According to Verywell Mind, toxic positivity is the belief that people should maintain a positive mindset, no matter how dire or difficult a situation might be. You may be familiar with phrases like “you got this!,” “good vibes only,” or “it could be worse.” While these phrases were created with good intentions, they can actually make things worse by suppressing legitimate feelings of anxiety or stress.
During the new year, toxic positivity tends to become the norm. I find myself making new year’s resolutions solely so that I have an answer when someone asks (leading me to make the same resolution each year that I don’t stick to). This new year, I’ve been feeling more stressed and emotional than usual, and forced positivity hasn’t helped quell my worries or make me more productive. According to Marc Brackett, the director of the Yale Center for Emotional Intelligence, toxic positivity doesn’t actually promote resilience.
A different approach to motivation
I was inspired to write this article when I came across a TikTok video encouraging me to “do it miserably.”
https://vm.tiktok.com/ZMF7gMg7E/
In the video, the speaker says, “You have to do it – but you don’t have to be happy about it.” I found this advice to be really refreshing, and hopefully some of you do as well. Whether it be studying for that test, convincing yourself to go to the gym, or tackling that one chore you hate, you can do it, even if you don’t want to.
As odd as this may sound, I found this approach to be much more effective than trying to hype myself up before doing a daunting task. I think we often pressure ourselves into having a certain mindset in order to be productive; perhaps there’s value in separating motivation and productivity. I’ve learned the importance of validating negative emotions and giving yourself time off – even if your time off doesn’t align with everyone else’s. At the same time, give yourself permission to do things miserably. Sometimes, feeling down and being productive can coexist, and it might actually make you feel better.
I don’t say all this to encourage you to dwell on your sadness and refute positivity. I think optimism and hope are some of the most valuable characteristics to carry with you. However, as cheesy as it is, it’s important to remember that it’s okay not to be okay, and that a constant state of happiness should not be an emotional goal. It’s a balancing act, and it can be hard to find the centre.
By all means, head into the new year with a positive outlook and an open mind – but allow yourself to feel negative emotions too, if they’re there.