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You Definitely Shouldn’t Be Sad Single

This article is written by a student writer from the Her Campus at CWU chapter.

Hey everyone, I’m going to be one of those people who tell you that it’s okay to be alone. 

I say this because I have seen so many girls fall into the trap of thinking it’s not okay to be alone. People think they need their relationship as a distraction or as their main support system, and then they start to rely on their significant other way too much. You can’t put that much pressure on one person; that’s really unhealthy for the both of you. You can’t only spend all of your time with just one person; that is also unhealthy for both of you. 

It’s also so common for people to feel unworthy because they think they’re unattractive, as though looks have anything to do with who a person really is. So many people get hung up on little tiny details of their life, little tiny details which are not true anyway, such as they think that they don’t look good to everyone else. I’m sure everyone who thinks that way has passed by strangers who’ve looked at them and thought they were cute, confident, cool, or attractive in some other way. Even if they don’t know someone thinks that, I am sure it’s happened. But why does it matter anyway? 

Girls are often told in the media that a lot of their worth is based off of what boys/men think of them. In fact, an all too common trope is that girl who thinks she’s ugly, but she’s actually really beautiful, she just doesn’t know it, blah blah blah, but guess who does know it? Some really obvious hot guy. And he tells her she’s beautiful and they start dating. There are countless books and pop songs written about this trope and it’s soooo tiring. This trope teaches a girl that she shouldn’t respect herself and that she should actually think less of herself, and yet hope she is noticed by someone else. It teaches girls to base their own worth off of other people’s validation, especially male validation. It teaches girls to have low self-confidence and low self-esteem. It also teaches them that if guys don’t notice them, then they must really be ugly, and the worst thing for a girl to be is ugly and unattractive. 

It’s a very ridiculous trope, especially since even if you do get male attention, who knows if it’s for the right reasons? They could just want to hook-up and, psychologically, that kind of thing can actually hurt your mental health – especially if you’re a girl. Most girls really do tend to want a connection with whoever they are seeing, and it is common for girls to feel used and even taken advantage of by men who are only looking for a hook-up

Lots of people hurt their own mental health further by trying to be the therapist of their significant other. That can be really draining and exhausting on the person providing the “therapy”, because they are not a licensed medical professional. Other people stay in an abusive and/or emotionally draining relationships, or even just relationships that aren’t a good fit for them, just because they want to have someone. 

It’s important to know how to be by yourself. It’s important to know who you are as your own person, and what you like, without having to worry about what your significant other thinks. It’s important to make sure you know yourself well enough to truly know when you have found a person you should be dating. It is also important to know how to – and this sounds cringy, but is true – love your own self, without ANY validation from ANYONE else. Because in the end you are the one you are going to be spending the rest of your life with, and you are going to always be living with yourself in your own head— so make being with yourself a nice place to be first. Because if you rely on other people to make you happy, other people are in complete control of your emotions, and thus, pretty much in control of you. You need to be in control of you. 

Life really is about your own perspective, because your own perspective in life and the choices you make based on that perspective, is really all you are in control of in this life. So make that perspective of yourself a good one and don’t base it off of others, as that is the only thing you can do to improve your own life. You may not be in control of everything that happens to you, but you control how you react. 

So, people, I encourage you to love being by yourself. Because every one of you is amazing, but don’t take my word for it. Take your own word for it.

A senior majoring in Biology (molecular and cellular specialization), who loves reading, writing, history, philosophy, cool science stuff, listening to music and thinking about things.