In light of it being World Mental Health Day, I would like to start off by saying: For those of you that read articles on HerCampus.com, I am here for you. All of you.
I’ve been ruminating for a while about a topic that I have become increasingly passionate about. That topic being depression. Now, I know that depression is a “hot button” issue that is featured all over the place. Sometimes it can seem like overkill. I know that’s at least how I felt at the start of last year. Seeing all of the flyers advertising “healthy behaviors” or campus-run organizations aimed at helping students “transition into college life” plastered along the walls of my dorm became a little overwhelming. I knew that the information was helpful for some people but I still scoffed everytime I walked past those flyers. I never thought that I needed those platforms. “You’ve got it. You’ll figure it out on your own”. That’s what I would say to myself when the truth was, I didn’t have it–at all!
Last fall of my freshman year, I was depressed. This time last year, I would’ve NEVER thought to admit that to anyone; not my parents, not my friends, and definitely not myself. Why? Because I didn’t believe it or feel that I was “worthy” of feeling depressed. As I write that, I think to myself “how in the world can anyone feel unworthy of an emotion?” Emotions come and go and they aren’t a privilege or a reward; they just ARE. They are here to clue us into how we are feeling, processing, transitioning, moving forward, grieving, growing, etc. They are merely tools to push us to a place where we want to go or really don’t want to go. Either way, they are integral in our mental health. I was having a discussion with a friend today over coffee. She told me: “Rosie, this is going to sound so wrong, and I know it is. But I almost don’t feel worthy of feeling low.” After she said this, I took a step back and had a visceral, introspective reaction. I knew exactly where she was coming from. And the reality is, we both weren’t alone in this thought. A lot of people feel this way, which leads me to my next point.
Last year, I was afraid to confront my emotions. Afraid to admit to feeling the lowest I had ever felt. I did this because I didn’t know what would come of it. Would it make a difference if I spoke up? Would people view me the same? Would people distance themselves from me? Would my parents pull me from school? Would I disappoint and embarrass myself? Let me just tell you, NONE of that matters. What matters is your mental health, your happiness and the people that stick with you through it. The rest is just irrational. Period.
College is hard. Last year, I’d tell people that it felt like “my roots of familiarity were getting ripped out of the ground”. Kind of grim and intense, I know, but seriously! Chances are you’re away from your family, friends, and pets for the first time. You’re in a totally new environment. You have to put yourself out there to get involved, which isn’t always easy when you have little idea of what’s going o). I didn’t know what I was doing at first (and I still don’t really know what I’m doing LOL). To say it’s a struggle is an understatement. Some people find their groove soon after settling in, while others continue to feel unsteady. I’m here to tell you: both routes are OK. My advice for those struggling: dispel any truth you hold to social media. Yeah, your friends at other schools can post photos with a big group of friends and look like the happiest person on the planet. Then think to yourself, social media isn’t a reflection of real life. The only one that matters at the moment is YOU. OK cool. Now onto my next point.
If it doesn’t challenge you it won’t change you. And I can attest to that 110%. When people ask me if I’d go back and do freshman year again I respond something along the lines of “hellllll no”. And that’s the truth! The depression that I went through challenged me, knocked me all the way down and in turn, forced me to push myself back up again thus yielding results that I never could’ve imagined. It’s kind of crazy looking back and seeing how much of a difference that experience made. It showed me the unwavering support from my close friends, the unconditional love my family gave me, and most importantly, it taught me the importance of personal strength.
I go to spin classes a couple times a week and every single time I click into a bike, the instructor yells “SHOW UP FOR YOURSELF” (major shout out to Berkeley @ Kondition Fitness). I don’t think there is any better way to say this. So, show up for yourself, put yourself first, and if you can’t, do yourself a favor and tell someone. Tell a good friend, a parent, a teacher, anyone. Because chances are, someone will find a way to show up for you when you can’t show up for yourself.
It’s okay to not be okay. Remember that. Engrain it into your brain. Also remember that even when you think you are the “only one” reference this article and remind yourself: I am not alone. Sounds cliche, but it’s true.
Love ya babes XO