Disclaimer: The following information may not apply to everyone.
For years, we’ve embraced a narrative equating strength with self-reliance, suggesting that true empowerment comes from needing no one. This perspective champions independence as the pinnacle of success, encouraging us to build lives devoid of dependence or longing. While well-intentioned, this mindset has inadvertently led many into isolation, distancing us from the fundamental human need for deep, meaningful connection.
Despite achieving milestones our predecessors could only dream of—thriving careers, financial autonomy, and personal freedom—an unspoken truth persists:
We are lonelier than ever.
This isn’t merely anecdotal; it’s a documented crisis. Studies indicate that Generation Z is experiencing unprecedented levels of loneliness, surpassing previous generations. Over the past two decades, social connections have diminished, while anxiety, depression, and self-reported loneliness have surged. Men, in particular, face a significant decline in friendships and romantic relationships. Women, too, find themselves in a paradox; after decades of pursuing independence, many realize that self-sufficiency doesn’t replace the void where deep human connection belongs.
The Illusion of Digital Connection
Modern culture plays a significant role in this disconnect. Dating apps have commodified relationships, turning them into a numbers game where dismissing potential partners is easier than addressing genuine human imperfections. Social media offers an illusion of connection, substituting real-world intimacy with curated digital interactions. The more “connected” we become online, the more isolated we feel in reality. Our feeds are filled with hyper-independent individuals enjoying solo adventures, crafting an aesthetic of independence that disguises its underlying loneliness.
The Stigma of Emotional Need
In this cultural shift, needing others has become stigmatized. We’ve come to associate emotional reliance with weakness, viewing love as a luxury rather than a necessity. Strength has been misinterpreted as solitude, as if true empowerment means navigating life without depending on anyone.
However, humans are inherently social beings. Neuroscience supports this. The need for deep emotional connection is hardwired into our biology. Loneliness triggers the same stress responses in the brain as hunger or physical pain. Love isn’t just a sentimental luxury—it’s a survival instinct. Our bodies crave it; our minds thrive on it. Acknowledging our need for love isn’t a sign of weakness, it’s a testament to our humanity.
Yet, contemporary culture romanticizes isolation. The “girlboss” era urged us to chase success relentlessly. A certain strain of pop-culture feminism emphasized self-prioritization above all else. Dating norms encouraged a detached, nonchalant attitude. Social media bombarded us with images of hyper-independent individuals—solo travelers, self-sufficient CEOs, women enjoying solitary moments in perfectly curated spaces—suggesting that such self-sufficiency should suffice.
But these portrayals omit the empty spaces beside them, the moments of unshared victories, the suppressed longing for companionship.
A False Dichotomy: Independence vs. Connection
This narrative has been particularly misleading for young people, instilling the belief that connection is optional and that prioritizing relationships equates to sacrificing ambition. This false dichotomy implies that success and companionship are mutually exclusive, devaluing a fundamental human need in pursuit of an illusory independence that often leaves us unfulfilled.
We’ve misinterpreted strength. True strength isn’t about rejecting love, it’s about embracing it. It’s about the courage to be vulnerable, to risk heartache, to trust another with our most guarded selves. Strength lies not in pretending we don’t need connection but in recognizing our need and seeking the depth we deserve.
Reframing Strength as Connection
Independence and intimacy are not mutually exclusive. The most empowered version of ourselves seeks both. This isn’t to suggest settling for less than we deserve. Not all relationships are beneficial, and sometimes solitude is preferable to harmful companionship. But we mustn’t confuse independence with emotional denial or glorify loneliness as strength.
Moreover, casual sex or complete sexual abstinence isn’t the solution. Human beings are biologically wired for deep, emotional bonds that transcend fleeting encounters. Oxytocin, often termed the “love hormone,” is released during intimacy, strengthening emotional attachments and fostering trust. Frequent casual sex without emotional connection can desensitize our brains to this bonding process, making it harder to form deep relationships. Studies have shown that individuals engaging in such behavior often report higher levels of loneliness and dissatisfaction.
Our biology indicates that both emotional and physical connection are essential to our well-being. Yet, modern discourse often frames relationships as burdens rather than sources of enrichment. We caution against emotional dependence, but fail to recognize that emotional interdependence is what fosters real growth.
The True Nature of Strength
True empowerment means embracing love without fear. It involves acknowledging our desire for partnership—not out of necessity, but because sharing life enhances our experience.
Love doesn’t diminish us, it expands us.
The strongest action we can take is to claim all we desire—success, adventure, passion, and partnership. The most profound form of self-love isn’t convincing ourselves we’re fine alone; it’s granting ourselves permission to seek more.
In reimagining strength, we must challenge the narratives that have led us to equate solitude with power. Strength is not about standing alone; it is about knowing when to lean in, when to hold on, and when to open ourselves to the connections that make life meaningful. In doing so, we redefine what it means to be truly strong.