Sometimes there isn’t an eloquent way to say the semester I just had wasn’t what I was anticipating. While I don’t live by the idea that we as people are ready for everything, I think we — or at least I — try to prepare ourselves for what we think the future might hold.
Stepping back onto the University of Colorado, Boulder’s campus in the fall, I felt a new strength, one I couldn’t have until the end of freshman year. Having pushed past the fears that came with advocating for myself to professors and navigating the airport alone, I was ready to start on a new journey. As a chronic overthinker, the idea that a challenge could be found anywhere never left my mind. However, I never expected it to hit the hardest at the end of my spring semester.
These past few weeks, the sun has finally been out — well, except this past weekend when we got some inches of snow. This beautiful weather is great, but it’s made me finally have to confront that I only have a few more days left. With suddenly more challenging coursework, heavier weighted assignments, and having to balance life, the strength I felt I had has seemed to dissipate.
Grades aren’t everything — and no one should ground their identity in one thing — but as someone who puts immense effort into their academics, it’s disheartening to feel that my performance this semester has been substandard. Considering I’m pursuing law school or a masters degree following my four years at CU, for more reasons than one I can’t earn or be complacent with lower grades.
Having a disappointing semester in some way is not an experience unique to me, and there are some things that I’ve been trying to do to keep my head on straight.
Go Outside
I understand that this sentiment makes an appearance in every article where I give some sort of advice; and yes, I did say that the warm weather was making it more challenging to stay on track. However, if it’s between being unfocused in my room or outside, I’m choosing to be outside.
There’s something about being in the sun and not confining myself to a study room or the library that I believe is keeping some part of my brain together. I’m not a biology major or scientist, so my theory about the sun may entirely be a placebo effect that I constructed, but I do believe it.
In the winter, it was no shock that during midterms or finals my brain became frazzled. Not only was I tackling challenging work, but I was also forced to be indoors unless I decided to sit outside Norlin Library in my full length winter jacket with the hood up. In the warm weather I can at least regain some of the potential health benefits I missed out on in the winter —namely letting my body absorb sunlight and create Vitamin D.
Failing in a Safe Place
Failing is hard, especially when it has consequences to something you care about. These past few weeks, I’ve been trying to create places where it is okay to “fail.” By failure — a word that I am constantly redefining — I’ve been setting up situations where I, and the outcome, don’t have to be the best. It’s a great thing to have enough confidence to hold yourself to a high standard, but that doesn’t mean you don’t have room to grow.
For example, I’ve been picking back up my paint brush. It’s a running joke between my mom and I that I have never,and most likely never will, completed a painting that I started for fun. Picking painting back up towards the end of this semester has been really helpful because it has displayed that just because I don’t finish a piece, doesn’t mean I’ve entirely “failed.”
Taking 3000 and 4000 level classes as a sophomore was a choice I made because I wanted to take on a challenge. In turn, I knew the work was going to be challenging and beyond anything I’ve tried before. Grades are a reflection of the work you put in, but sometimes there’s more to a grade than just your effort.
Giving myself opportunities to fail in a safe place has taught me that no singular grade or class is going to have a detrimental effect on my college experience or life. For me it can be easy to catastrophize, but in redefining my understanding of failing and creating places where I have a safety net, I’ve found it is easier to manage the stress. When it comes to painting or classes, there’s a lot more that comes out of them than a potentially finished product.
Keep Trying
Continuing to try in classes because there are still a few weeks sounds intuitive, but it can be really easy to check out. I’ve found though, that continuing to try by completing assignments and attending class is still able to create a positive impact on my grade.
Oftentimes if something isn’t going exactly how I intended it to, whether it’s classes, painting, or otherwise, I find myself discouraged and wanting to start over completely. Looking at what a positive future the next semester may hold is not a bad thing, but there is still time left in this one.
In an effort to break my habit I’ve been trying to push myself to see how much I can turn the situation around by just continuing to try. The result is that even in only having a few weeks left in the semester there is still so much room for improvement. Heavier weighted assignments, projects, finals, and other exams, can still have such a positive impact on my overall grades.
There’s so much going on, all the time. It’s no shock that at some point, something is going to be pushed to the backburner. There’s this mindset I see all the time of I just have to survive this semester, or keep my head above water. While I don’t think it’s inaccurate to say that’s what parts of the semester can feel like, there has to be more than this impending doom surrounding life and a semester.
It’s one semester, and academics and other factors can be challenging, but you have a lot of control over how it can go. Continuing to challenge myself, while creating safety nets and being outside has allowed me to create a balance that is improving my grades. It’s about finding ways where you can strengthen yourself, even when you don’t feel strong.