Imagine waking up, unable to speak or move. You can think clearly. You feel real fear. The dreadful idea that this is your life forever won’t go away. No one will hear your meek cries for help. Is this a nightmare? The answer is more frightening — it’s real.
What Is Sleep Paralysis?
This strange, terrifying phenomenon is called sleep paralysis. It is a brief moment that happens during the rapid eye movement (REM) stage of sleep. This is the stage where dreams occur. During REM sleep, the body normally experiences muscle atonia, so you cannot move. The body does this as a precaution so that you don’t act out your dreams. However, your brain can regain consciousness, causing a temporary state of paralysis. Vivid hallucinations are common during this, due to “the sensory flood from the dream world.” This all occurs for a short time, lasting seconds to several minutes, but it can feel much longer. It is often a frightening, anxiety-inducing experience.
Sleep paralysis is common and generally harmless. About 30% of people will experience it at least once in their lives. To have frequent, recurrent episodes is rarer — about 5-10% of people do. You are also more likely to have it if it runs in your family. Unfortunately, it runs in mine. My dad, my brothers, and I have suffered from it for years.
The Feeling Of Sleep Paralysis
I can feel when it is about to happen. If you’ve seen Jordan Peele’s Get Out, there is a scene where the main character is hypnotized and sinks into a hole and becomes paralyzed. He hears the noise that triggers it and feels it about to happen. He yells, “No, no, no!” then sinks into darkness. This scene reminded me of sleep paralysis because there is a moment right before it begins, to the point where I can say, “No, no, no!” and then I freeze.
During this time, I cannot move anything. My muscles are completely stuck. All I can do is move my eyes and breathe slowly. However, it will feel like there is something heavy on my chest, making it hard to breathe. The panic can make it even worse. When I am really scared, I will try hard to come out of it by forcing my body to move as much as I can, which makes my body feel like it is twitching as a whole. It is painful and of no use.
I will usually be able to see my surroundings. It will either be a dream or a reality — but distorted. It’s hard to say how long the episodes last. Sometimes it’s 30 seconds or less. Maybe it’s a few minutes. Other times, it will be on and off for what feels like the whole night.
My Experiences
I have had sleep paralysis for as long as I can remember, and still do — all the time. I can recall many different kinds of experiences. Most were unpleasant moments, and some were trippy as f*ck.
Suffocation
This one, personally, is a tale as old as time. This was the kind of paralysis I experienced very much as a child, from ages three to seven, I would either wake in a dream or in my actual bed, in a position with my face smothered, unable to move. If I were in my bed, my mouth and nose would be stuck in my pillow; if I were in a dream, I’d be stuck under water, or feel like I was being waterboarded. Occasionally, I would have the paralysis dream of cuddling with my mother, then my face would get stuck on her stomach, and I couldn’t breathe. This is my least favorite kind of episode, because whenever it happened, I was certain I was going to die — certain that my parents would find me face down, having suffocated in my “sleep.” I still experience this suffocating paralysis, but luckily, it has become sporadic.
The music video
Most paralysis states are not fun, but this one is trippy in a good way. The best I can describe it: my body is paralyzed, but I am slowly moving in forward circles. It’s like when you throw a football, and it spirals — I am the football. The other weird part is that music will be playing, as if I were in a music video. I have spun to Cuco and Ethel Cain, and it’s strangely awesome.
Someone else is in the room
Associated with sleep paralysis is this so-called “demon” that appears. For me, this never happens. I won’t see a “demon” or “dark figure” in the room. However, when I hear about this, I am reminded of an eerie episode my brother once told me; he was trapped in a sea of dead bodies, all of which were trying to grab him. It was absolute terror and darkness.
While I don’t see the “demon”, often I hallucinate someone else there in the room — a random friend of mine. I sense them lying there next to me. I will do my best to say the words “sleep paralysis” as a call for help, so they will wake me up. It never works. Weak moans may come out, but not words. I’ll feel overcome with resentment for not hearing my pleas for help. Sometimes, I am afraid of my friend in the room. They’ll loom over me and invoke fear. It’s like I can sense evil from them.
Spiders crawling up your back
This one is unpleasant to imagine. Often, I experience this in the mornings. I’ll be frozen on my side and start to feel worms, roaches, and centipedes start sliming, crawling, and snaking up my body. Then, the most horrid feeling of a worm slipping into my ear. These tactile sensations are extremely uncomfortable and terrifying. Generally, I remember they are just hallucinations, but a small part of me thinks it could be real — and that’s when I try my hardest to break out.
Escape
You may be wondering if there is an escape from this trap. Unfortunately, there is no true way out of it. Some people try to focus on small movements in their bodies, such as wiggling a toe or finger. I have tried this, but haven’t found it to work. I’ll try to pass the time by counting, and at some point, it just ends.
The hope is that someone or something will wake you up out of it. Many believe it is dangerous to wake someone up during sleep paralysis, but that is false. It is completely safe to wake someone up from it; in fact, it is helpful! I have warned my friends that if they see me breathing rapidly, with my eyes slightly open, darting back and forth, I may be having an episode, and they should wake me up.
You Will Move Again
Sometimes, the only way I can stop the panic that comes with paralysis is to gaslight the fear away. I will think to myself, this is such a unique experience, and it is temporary, so feel it, and be grateful that when you wake, you will move again. I can do this when I am lucid. Otherwise, my brain might believe it — that I will be stuck forever, frozen in bed, and no one will ever find me.
In the song “bury a friend,” Billie Eilish described it best: “Then my limbs all froze, and my eyes won’t close, and I can’t say no, I can’t say no (careful).”