Thereās this joke that you never want to date a singer or songwriter since itās likely that you would have a song written about you (if youāre Taylor Swift, itās an album). Well, speaking from the opposite side of the coin, I feel like itās a bad idea to date a poet, for that similar reason.
I have been a creative writer since elementary school, but never got into writing poetry until the end of high school. All my poetry has been personal statements and narratives, which was something I was never interested in writing about until I felt emotions so strong, I didnāt know what to do with myself.
Unfortunately, one of the only situations that inflicts strong poetry-writing emotions are romantic relationships. That being said, I have four different Google Drive folders named from the past personās initials and filled with poems about our relationship. Though these poems will never see the light of day, or especially be shared with the person, these writings have helped me articulate the pain and serves as a good representation of being a young adult woman in the dating world.
BB
This was the start of it all. BB was my only actual relationship (and still isā¦), and it was also the only time where I decided to end something on my own terms. It was a hard decision to make since I knew how much he cared for me, but I just knew I wouldnāt be able to convince myself to love him the way I wanted to. That being said, I was completely distraught after we broke up, since I thought I was making a mistake for months. The poetry manifested from there and itās basically me going through the five stages of grief until I feel more at peace about the situation.
Itās a little bit of a stereotype that the first relationship is the hardest to get over, but I definitely think itās true. I still think about this relationship almost everyday ā not in a bad way, but itās just on the top of my mind. What couldāve been if I had just loved him back?
LS
This was incredibly short lived, but I think I wrote about this situation so much because this was the first time that timing really affected the possibility of something being more. I had met him in the beginning of July, and I was going abroad in August. He was someone I longed for while I was thousands of miles away, but it also felt clear that he didnāt feel the same.
This poetry is mostly about the confusion I felt during the whole situation, especially when I ended up being completely unadded and blocked on every social media we had each other on without notice or reason (yes, he even took himself off our shared Spotify playlist). For better or worse, I have genuine disdain towards this person ā he was the type of person who said they were for open and honest communication, then ghosts you the next day. If I saw him around on campus again, I wouldnāt have something nice to say.
DR
Out of the people Iāve been with, this person manages to haunt my dreams and thoughts the most. Iām not completely sure why, since it only lasted a month and itās been more than a year since we were seeing each other. I think I liked him because he was older, he was kinder, and he was always asking about me. Everything about him and our situation was comforting, and I was lured into that state before he randomly ended things one day ā the excuse being he wasnāt over his ex-girlfriend.Ā
The shock and sadness fueled all this poetry, where it wasnāt focused on me and what I couldāve done to salvage something, but what he couldāve done so neither of us had to go through this. I liked to think that if he had been ready, maybe things wouldāve ended differently. At least it wouldāve saved some of my feelings.Ā
BC
This was the most recent, and had somehow managed to be the longest standing situation previous to my actual relationship years ago (three months isnāt long, but small victories). It ended suddenly again and while it was ārespectable,ā it didnāt feel like his words were genuine. Maybe this was a problem because I had difficulty trusting him in the first place, even though he never really gave me reason to. I never planned on getting myself attached to this person, but of course things change.
Since the end of BC happened recently, there are still poems being written about him. Though weāre not in the same major, we somehow are in the same circles and everyone knows him. Thereās an equal desire to forget about him, have him back in my life, or wish he never existed in my plane of existence ā at this point, Iād be fine with anything, and the poetry reflects my brain going back and forth.Ā
Final reflection
Sometimes I look back and wonder why Iām memorializing the pain that comes out of these relationships, but Iām more than ever grateful that I have found a coping strategy that lets me feel what I need to move on with my day. It feels childish, writing about boys that have hurt my feelings, but someoneās gotta do it. Everythingās an art form depending on how you look at it, and I know that these Google Drive poems are here to stay.