With my graduation from college coming up soon, I’ve been forced to come to terms with a lot of things in my life, both positive and negative, which come with a lot of feelings about who I am as a person.
I have always been a people pleaser, focusing on the reactions of others to give myself a sense of reassurance about how I’m doing in life. But recently, something in me has realized that I don’t always need to rely on the views of others to shape my own. Breaking away from this course is going to take time, and I know that it will be a process, but at least I have the longing to make a change.
Breaking the cycle of saying yes to please others, including overthinking every detail of every situation to figure out what I could do better or if I did enough, has been extremely freeing. I actually have time to think about myself and my needs, and the things that allow me to grow as a person.
I’ve also grown to love how I can enjoy my alone time, and sometimes, I even thrive off of it. Maybe I have a bit of an advantage from being an only child, but sometimes when everything feels too overwhelming, I know that I can find comfort in myself in the time I spend alone.
In seeking out alone time with myself, I have gotten the opportunity to reflect on aspects of my life and the parts of myself I both appreciate and want to work on. Having the time to think about these things helps motivate me to make the necessary changes or to embrace the things I already love.
I’ve always been a bit of an avoidant person when it comes to confronting uncomfortable feelings. Because of this, I always chose to push off confronting emotions or aspects of myself that put me into certain situations. However, in spending more time alone with myself, this has forced me to come to terms with some of these things and to sit in those uncomfortable moments for a while, until that discomfort slowly dissipates. It wasn’t easy at first, but the more times I have done this or devoted time to similar practices, the easier it has become. It opened up a window of new opportunities and areas for growth in myself.
Making the effort to appreciate how far I’ve come in life is another crucial step in my journey of learning to love myself. Thinking back about everything I have accomplished, fought through, and persevered through is an eye-opener. It helps to remind myself that in those moments of weakness that I am pretty damn strong, capable, and resilient. I’ve handled much worse and only grown, and that is something to be proud of.
I know I am nowhere near perfect, and there is a laundry list of things I can work to improve on. But in this journey, I am grateful for the person I am now, and I look forward to the reintroductions of a newer me in each aspect of my growth.