The second semester of senior year is a time of many mixed emotions. The bittersweet end of college, parting ways with those you’ve met and spent so much time with, moving on to the adult world. The stress of trying to figure out your plans after graduation, getting through the last semester strong, even with looming senioritis, trying to do all the things you’ve thought about but never did. And the fear of the unknown.
I remember how excited I was to graduate from high school. The countdown to graduation during the second semester was what got me up in the mornings and what I would think about before I went to sleep. The thought of moving across the country, meeting new people, and having the chance to start over was so exciting. I know it sounds cheesy, but there was something so freeing about the thought of what was to come. Somehow, I can’t say the same for my senior year of college.
The feelings of uncertainty that come with senior year of high school versus college feel monumentally different. While the themes of change and growth are present in both, that sense of looming that comes with adulthood is only now becoming clear. There’s a sense of safety when you start college, that you are still a “kid,” for me, no matter how much growing I have done in these past four years, I still sometimes forget how that isn’t the case anymore.
I am a chronic procrastinator. I could find safety in having four years before graduating and figuring out what I wanted to do with my life. But now, with that deadline being four months away, the stress of it all—and the senior scaries, as I like to think of them—have set in.
I also like routine. Being able to rely on consistency is something that a lot of people can relate to, however, during these times it is easily forgotten as people tend to hide their fears about the future under lock and key. I am one of those people without a doubt, but more for avoiding dealing with my feelings because once that happens, they become even more real.
Maybe I don’t want it to end because I’ve found comfort in the opportunities and the person I’ve grown into during my time here. But I would be lying if I didn’t acknowledge that I didn’t want to start over once again. This time, I don’t have the structure and shelter that college offered me regarding where I go and what I will do.
As these next few months go by and my time in college comes to an end, I hope to look back on everything and use each moment and memory to ease the transition into whatever life has in store for me.