As an incoming freshman at CU Boulder, I made an introductory post for “Boulder202xBios” to get myself out there and meet new people. When reading people’s biographies, I noticed many people were saying something along the lines of “I am going to be rushing in the fall.” I did not know what that meant, but I soon learned that it meant going through the recruitment process to join a fraternity or sorority.
During fall recruitment, I knew I had no interest in rushing, as I had heard that these organizations had a strong focus on partying and had a lot of superficiality— you had to act and dress a certain way, otherwise you would not be accepted. I certainly did not fit a typical sorority “mold.” In fact, during rush season, I saw potential new members look at me weirdly because my outfit was not the typical recruitment material. Despite Greek Life members trying to convince me to rush, I was set on not rushing. When a friend asked me, I responded with, “Hell no.” However, I saw a bunch of girls wearing adorable merchandise with their letters on them, usually with something cute like a teddy bear or a heart. I also learned about the “big/little” tradition where new members are paired with older ones. The “littles” dressed up in matching outfits to meet their bigs and it looked so fun!
During my second semester of freshman year, I started to shift my stance on sororities. Maybe they were not as bad as I thought they would be. After doing research, I learned that sororities care for each sister in a broader sense, and that it wasn’t all about partying.
I learned that sororities had philanthropies to which they were dedicated to. Contrary to what I thought, Greek Life cares about academics, with chapters acknowledging the members who made the dean’s list, in addition to the GPA minimum requirement to be in good standing.
I first dipped my toes into multicultural sororities but realized that it was not the best fit for me. I decided to rush bigger, “mainstream” Panhellenic sororities to see if I would make it. Boulder Panhellenic sorority girls seemed to be everywhere. I saw them in class, outside, and in the library. In fact, according to the National Panhellenic Conference, over 5 million girls were initiated into a Panhellenic sorority in the 2022-2023 school year!
I signed myself up for informal recruitment, otherwise known as “continuous open bidding” (COB). There were not many chapters to choose from because chapters only sign up if they have space to add members. Fortunately, my favorite chapter happened to be recruiting. I was drawn to this chapter because of its philanthropy they serve. My family has ties to the philanthropy this sorority serves, and I was happy to deepen that connection.
There was only one thing holding me back— I had a troubled relationship with one of the sorority sisters, who was already an initiated member. I purposefully dodged recruitment events because I was not sure if she would be there.
One day, I got a message from the director of recruitment. She invited me to the “invite only” event (that is, the event if the sorority really likes you). Here’s the thing: I did not go to a single event before that, and you must attend at least two in order to get this special invitation. So why was I getting it if I didn’t meet the criteria?
Finally, I decided to go on a coffee date with one of the sisters. I ended up telling her my situation. She told me that this one person should not stop me from joining the sorority. She told me about a craft event, and that was the only recruitment event I ever attended.
At the craft night at the sorority house, I was greeted by some sisters and sat down with them. While taking a break, two girls showed me around the whole house. I was blown away by the spacious house, with girls out and about. One of the girls was living in the house, so she showed me her room. I also saw a study room and an outdoor patio. But what amazed me the most was the signature photo of all the sisters (like yearbook photos). I wondered if I could see my face in that photo too.
Days later, the director of recruitment called me, formally extending an invitation for me to join the sorority. I was very happy but I let the bid sit (you have a certain amount of time before accepting/declining) because I still was cautious due to my troubled relationship with one of the sisters. I told the recruitment director the same story I told the sister with whom I had my coffee date with. She said that it is impossible to avoid the specific person as she held a leadership role, but it seemed like I could still be a member. Eventually, I decided that you only live once, and no one should stop you from accomplishing your goals. Hence, I accepted the bid.
In the weeks leading up to bid day, I imagined all kinds of experiences I would face in Greek Life. Since Greek Week was around the corner, I pictured myself dancing with my future sisters during Songfest or cheering them on in Powderpuff. Lots of girls from the sorority and I started following each other on Instagram. Among them, I was wondering, “Who would be my future big?”
The weekend of an upcoming ritual — which I had already purchased shoes and a dress for — I got a message from the recruitment director saying she wanted to meet with me and the director of membership. I agreed, but something in the back of my mind was wondering if something was wrong with my membership status. I decided not to worry about it. On the day of the meeting, I log into Zoom.
This is where it went downhill.
I remember the day like it was yesterday. There were three members a screen away from me: the directors of membership and recruitment, as well as the chapter president. They were sweet in the beginning and asked how my day was. After that, it was time to get down to business. Long story short, they asked me to resign from the chapter, because the girl was upset that I was joining.
“We didn’t know how bad she would take it,” the recruitment director said.
What was happening? I was confused because I had not done anything to this girl before, but the directors and president were inclined to believe the story of their sister.
“Maybe you should rush a different chapter in the fall,” said the recruitment director.
“We prioritize our current members and their well-being,” said the president.
What about my well-being? The message I got was that not only was I forced to step down, but I was also never welcomed back to the chapter, a complete 180 from the recruitment events.
“Sorry,” said the recruitment director, with a grimace on her face.
I remember barely hanging on. After saying a weak goodbye to the girls, I logged off and bawled my eyes out.
Why would the girls get my hopes up, even after explaining my scenario? It seems this was a selective sisterhood because the girls chose to listen to only one side of the story, without considering my perspective. It pained me to know that they already jumped to conclusions about who I am without making an effort to get to know me. I hoped to make new friends who would appreciate me, but this did not happen. I felt alone at that moment. Despite people claiming sisters built each other up, these ones tore me down within seconds.
My family and I reached out to Panhellenic nationals to report this instance in hopes it wouldn’t happen to anyone else, though I’m still not sure if any changes were made. Soon after this event, I actually joined a different sorority, which is not Panhellenic, so the recruitment process was much easier. But all in all, I found that Greek Life was not the right community for me.
I hoped that Greek Life would be more than what I originally thought it was. One of the golden rules in my life is to stay authentic and never bend to peer pressure, however a part of me felt like I would need to break my rule in order to fit in and be accepted into this community.
In the end, I made friends with girls from the non-Panhellenic sororities I had an interest in. They still wanted to be my friend without the expectation of needing to change who I am, and I appreciate that!
During this time, I was a part of Her Campus, where I was making friends with girls who had similar values to me. Despite traditional sororities not working out for me, the girls at Her Campus exemplified a much better sisterhood.
After that year, I watched other students join sororities in new pledge classes. I wonder if any of them had the same hopes as I did. I wonder if any sorority girl at Boulder was also asked to leave for something they did not do.
If you are reading this and are interested in rushing a sorority, I am asking you to jump in with caution. I would never want you to go through the same thing I did. Join a group of girls who truly like you for who you are and with similar values.