For as long as I could remember, friendships felt permanent and unshakable. Having gone to a small middle school where I graduated eighth grade with 12 classmates, I became extremely close with my friends from that time, and I still am today. Similarly, I am still close with the friends I made in high school. While we don’t see or talk to each other every day, when we are all back home together, it’s like no time has passed.
These friendships were formed in the early days of school, and we stuck together ever since. I thought that’s how it went. I thought that’s how it was going to go in college.
I met most of my college friends during the very first week of freshman year. We became inseparable – taking the buff bus to class together, doing homework in study rooms, having dinner together, and cramming onto a twin extra large bed to watch TV. This was our daily routine. But it never got old. It was always such an exciting time with these people and we always found new things to do with each other. Every new freshman year experience I had was with my friends and that made it so much better.
Then sophomore year came, and things started to shift. We no longer lived in the same dorms, and while we still met up to walk to class together, life got busier. My friends became more involved with their roommates and their high school friends. Slowly our time together dwindled until weekends were the only times we saw each other. My attempts to reconnect often went unanswered.
Junior year brought new changes. My boyfriend and I were doing really well and I was getting closer with new people. My friends and I now saw each other more frequently than the year before. I didn’t let myself get as close though out of fear of being hurt again. I realized balance was important, and that applied to friendships too.
That spring, my entire friend group and I studied abroad. I thought the distance might be what we needed. I had the best time of my life being abroad having made so many lifelong friends and amazing memories of our adventures together.
But when we returned to Boulder, everything felt… different. Conversations felt forced, like we were meeting each other for the first time rather than picking up where we left off. At times it felt like we were strangers. Deep down, I knew we weren’t going to work out, but I still tried. I wasn’t ready to let go.
Now, I’ve spent years pouring time and energy into friendships that no longer seem to have space for me. And that’s the bittersweet part – learning that just because something was good once doesn’t mean it will always be.
Friendships don’t always end in dramatic fallouts. Sometimes, they just fade. We grow, we change, and we move in different directions. And maybe that’s okay. Maybe the beauty of friendship isn’t in how long they last, but in the moments we shared when they mattered the most.