My Coming Out Story

I want to start this off with a content warning; there are mentions of homophobia and bullying in the following story. 

My sexuality has always been something I have struggled with. To be honest, I wasn’t sure what label to give myself for many years. I knew I was romantically attracted to both women and men, but this wasn’t socially acceptable in my school or my town. No one talked about what being bisexual was. The only kids at my school who were open about being a part of the LGBTQ community were horribly bullied and isolated by the other students. There was little to no LGBTQ representation around me, so being in the LGBTQ community was considered to be “unusual.” This caused me to stay in the closet, not being my authentic self, until I was 18 years old. 

I vividly remember sitting in the middle school cafeteria, surrounded by my friends, talking about the boys they had crushes on. At the time, I had a crush on a girl. When I vocalized this to the girls I was friends with at the time, they said I was “weird” and that I was “seeking attention.” Honestly, this made me feel terrible about myself. I thought they were my friends and that I could trust them, but it turned out to be false. The day after this, my entire grade found out what I had told my friends, and I was given a hard time for it. I tried my hardest to push my feelings down and pretend to be someone I wasn’t. I played along and acted like I was only interested in boys, and that just wasn’t true. 

One day, I was sitting in my English class, working on an assignment, when I was called into the principal’s office. I walked down to the office, wondering what rule I had broken or what I had done wrong. I sat down in the office, nervous, wondering what had happened, thinking the worst. My principal came in and said she had heard some “concerning rumors.” When I inquired about these rumors, she said she had heard I liked girls. This just pushed me deeper into the closet and forced me to put on a mask, pretending to be straight for years to come. It’s worth noting that I attended a private Catholic school. 

There was only one person in my life who seemed to be supportive of the LGBTQ community, my mom. She was always supporting other kids and believed someone’s gender identity or sexuality should have nothing to do with how people view them. She was a fierce supporter of the LGBTQ community, and from day one, she vocalized that it was okay for someone to be “different.” Still, through the experiences I had in school, I was scared to come out to her, scared she would have the same reaction as my friends at school did. From time to time, she would hint at her support for me being in the LGBTQ community; however, I was still afraid to tell her. 

I was horribly bullied in school, all because there was a rumor that I was gay. Shamefully, I denied it to avoid being bullied by my fellow students. The staff refused to do anything about it, turning a blind eye to me being called homophobic slurs, being physically pushed at school, and receiving notes in my locker. Almost every day after school, I would cry, wishing I were different and genuinely believing something was wrong with me because I wasn’t straight. The bullying eventually got to a point where I had to switch from my small, private catholic school to a slightly larger public school; this was the turning point. 

For the first time in my life, I saw people being openly a part of the LGBTQ community, I saw people joining the Gender Sexuality Alliance club, and this made me feel so good about myself, for the first time in so many years. However, I still had the leftover trauma from the bullying at my previous school, so I had no interest in coming out, fearing the same thing would happen to me again. I slowly became more accepting of who I was and realized there was nothing “wrong” with me. 

Flash forward to my senior year of high school; I was 18 years old and had become more accepting of who I was. I sat my mom down, my hands shaking, feeling both nervous and excited at the same time. I told my mom I liked girls and boys, she just laughed and said, “Yeah, I’ve known this.” So, something I had been fearing telling anyone for years turned out to be something she had already known. It felt like a weight was lifted off my shoulders. I could finally be myself in public, around my family, and being out and proud has been the best years of my life.

Now I am 22 and still out of the closet, in a new state with accepting friends and an accepting family. Facing bullying and homophobia in a weird way shaped who I am today. Because of the bullying, I am now someone who stands up for other people, I can be my authentic self, and I am a massive advocate for anti-bullying. Coming out can be scary, but for me, it changed my life for the better. 

• college
• lgbtq
• life
• mental health