Last November, my boyfriend of almost two years broke up with me. It came out of nowhere, leaving me confused and unprepared to deal with the emotions that followed. This was the person that I truly believed would be it for me, my lifelong partner and eventual husband. So needless to say, I was absolutely heartbroken and devastated. In the months that followed, through a lot of tears and throwing away items that caused me literal chest pains to toss, I began to understand parts of myself that were thwarted by my relationship. Slowly but surely, I learned many things about myself that I hadn’t been able to identify while in my relationship. I thought that losing him meant losing myself but I am very happy to report that it is quite the opposite and, if anything, I gained more of myself through losing someone that refused to let me blossom.Â
One of the first things that I learned about myself is that I am a lot more resilient than I gave myself credit for. In the weeks after the breakup, I had finals, projects, homework, and the worst thing to possibly happen to someone after a breakup, the holidays. Instead of doing what my body was screaming at me to do – lay in bed all day and sob until I couldn’t physically produce more tears – I locked in. I got all of my assignments done on time and passed the semester with all A’s and a GPA of 3.9, which was a major accomplishment. One of the hardest assignments I had was for my Advanced Fiction Workshop class which had a final assignment of a 40,000 word novella. This was especially hard to get done because the story I had written had started out as a story that was loosely based on my relationship but through perseverance, I sat down and finished the story, even passing the word minimum by a couple thousand and finishing my first ever long format story. I was so incredibly proud of myself for what I accomplished only a few weeks after having my heart ripped apart, proving to myself and those around me that I am capable of doing what needs to be done no matter the circumstances. My education matters so much more to me than a boy.Â
Another thing that I learned about myself is that I really wouldn’t be able to do anything in life without the support of my family. I was so happy to have my family to support me in the weeks and even months following my breakup. My parents and my siblings truly filled the hole that was in my heart and mended it stitch by stitch. Having a holiday so close to my breakup was hard as I knew I would have to face my relatives asking me about him but my family was very helpful and supportive, keeping me occupied and whenever I would fall into a pit of sadness, they would be quick to extend their arms to pull me out. I’ve always been very close to my family but unfortunately, trying to maintain a long distance relationship pulled me away from them in ways that I couldn’t see at the time, which meant it felt so good to get even closer to them post-breakup. From my little brother reminding me that I was out of my ex’s league to my older sister reminding me that boys come and go but family is forever. I’ve always been a family oriented person, that wasn’t new to me, but what was new to me is how vital they are to me in many more ways than I used to believe. Without them, I would probably still be a pile of tears and sobs.
I also learned that my worth should never fall or go on sale. We are told not to be narcissistic or to toot our own horns often but I have learned that I deserve to toot that horn as much as I please and hold anyone who wants to be my partner to my standard. I am smart, I am beautiful, I am kind, and I am a prize to be won, not a final sale item for just anyone to obtain. To the ears of some, that might sound like I’m an egotistical maniac but to the learned ear, it is simply a woman sick of being brought down by an insecure man. My ex was nowhere near my intelligence, he had terrible saving skills that ended in me being the person paying the majority of the time, and he didn’t understand that supporting me and my accomplishments didn’t mean diminishing his own. I am a lover girl and material items have never mattered to me but I learned that sometimes, love isn’t enough and it isn’t worth it to put your all into something for someone who is most likely going to drag you down for the rest of your life. Women are constantly bashed and told to not be proud of themselves but I am proud of myself and everything I’ve accomplished and if someone truly loves me that shouldn’t offend them, it should make them even happier to be the one who gets to be with me.Â
If you had met me a year ago, I would’ve told you that I cannot live without my ex. I mourn that girl in ways that I’m still not fully able to understand, but I also know that she would be very proud to see that not only can I live without him but I can thrive in ways that I couldn’t while I was with him. To anyone in the deepest pits of heartbreak, it might sound impossible now but you will feel better and you will see that the sun is much brighter on the other side. You are beautiful and there is someone out there for you that will never make you feel how you feel right now. I am so proud of what I have been able to learn about myself since my breakup and I am so excited to see what else I will learn about myself in the future.