“Everything happens for a reason.” This phrase gets thrown around so often that it has become a staple in our conversations, especially when life takes a painful turn. It’s offered up as a comfort when things fall apart—a way to make sense of the chaos and help people feel like there’s a bigger plan to their grand suffering. But here’s the problem; sometimes, things don’t happen for any reason at all, and suggesting otherwise can do more harm than good.
At first glance, this idea may reflect comfort. After all, it suggests that no matter what hardships we endure, there’s always a larger purpose behind them. However, the reality is much more complicated, and this kind of thinking oversimplifies real pain and trauma. When someone is going through a difficult time—whether it’s a devastating trauma, the loss of a loved one, or a serious illness—telling them that it happened for a universal reason can feel dismissive. It invalidates their pain by implying that it’s all part of some grand plan they’re just not privy to yet. Life isn’t always that neat, and people shouldn’t have to justify their suffering by pretending there’s a purpose behind it.
Take, for example, someone who’s recently been diagnosed with a chronic illness. The idea that their pain or physical limitations happened for a reason can be infuriating. It suggests that their suffering is happening to serve some higher purpose, that their struggles are meant merely to teach them something. What if there are no lessons to be learned from their illness? What if it’s just an unfortunate event? Pushing the belief that it happened for a reason places a burden on them to find meaning in their pain. Sometimes, the only truth is that bad things happen.hey don’t need to be justified.
The concept becomes even more problematic when it’s applied to situations where trauma or abuse are involved. Imagine telling someone who’s been a victim of violence that it happened for a reason and there’s a lesson to be learned from it. This mindset can lead to dangerous territory where we can unintentionally minimize the injustice or imply that their suffering was necessary for them to grow or become stronger. This narrative absolves the world of its cruelty, suggesting that everything—no matter how horrific—can be turned into a positive learning experience. This can inflict more harm and trauma as victims deal with an existential crisis, trying to determine why they deserved or needed what happened to them, to happen.
We view this all the time in the self-help industry and on social media, where “positive thinking” and spiritual platitudes are pushed as solutions to all of life’s hardships. Influences tell us that we just need to trust the universe, that there’s a lesson in every setback, and that it’ll all make sense eventually. Yet, life doesn’t always work like that. Sometimes bad things happen for absolutely no reason at all, and it’s okay to admit that. Trying to force a meaning onto every single challenge prevents us from processing true grief and accepting that some things are beyond our control.
One of the biggest issues with this mindset is that it encourages people to feel responsible for their own suffering. If everything happens for a reason, then it stands to reason that whatever happens to you was meant to be, which can lead to feelings of guilt. If you can’t find the reasons behind your pain, does that mean you’re failing at life? Are you missing some deeper meaning that’s supposed to make all the suffering okay? This belief prevents people from seeking the true help they need, whether that’s therapy, support from loved ones, or even just the space to feel sad without attempting to rationalize their problems.
In reality, life is full of chaos and unpredictability. Bad things happen, and sometimes there’s no good reason as to why. And that’s okay. It’s okay to not have all the answers, to not turn everything around into a moment of growth, and to simply acknowledge that life can be unfair. We don’t need to rely on the idea that everything has a purpose to find meaning in our lives. Sometimes, it’s enough to just get through the tough times, knowing that while they may not happen for a reason, these times don’t define us either.
In the end, we need to move away from the oversimplified notion that everything happens for a reason and embrace the uncertainty and absurdity that happens in life. Not every single struggle needs to lead to a greater purpose, that’s not a reflection of our worth or resilience. Instead of searching for reasons behind every problem, maybe the best thing we can do is offer each other empathy and understanding. Sometimes, the most honest thing we can say is, “This sucks, and I’m here for you.” No grand plan required.