Let’s be honest, in 2025, everyone is aware of the prominence of hookup culture. It almost seems like more people are in a “situationship” than in a genuine, honest relationship. Dating apps have completely transformed the way people look for love in modern times. It is more common for someone to meet through a dating app and hook up on the first date than to meet organically and go on an actual date where they get to know each other.Â
Hookup culture is something you are probably familiar with. It’s the idea of having meaningless intimacy with someone whom you barely know, and often, it’s your first time even meeting them in person. Over the summer, I was talking to this guy whom I had met on Hinge, so my expectations weren’t high. However, I was pleasantly surprised when we hit it off over text, and eventually planned a date to go to dinner. Honestly, the first part of the date went well, and we were having great conversations. It wasn’t until he drove me home that an issue arose. He immediately asked if I was “down to hook up,” to which my immediate response was no. He then said, “Why would you go on a date with me if you won’t put out?” This just proved to me that hookup culture is way too normalized and almost expected at this point.Â
Part of hookup culture is the idea of expecting intimacy in exchange for going out to dinner, almost as a “thank you.” I personally know many women who have experienced the same thing. They will go out with a guy, and he will expect some sort of sexual interaction after. This has become a common part of dating, at least in the experiences I am familiar with.Â
After this whole Hinge situation, I was a bit put off from dating, until one of my friends attempted to set me up with her twin brother. The first time we hung out, it was perfect. We went on a fun hike and got to know each other. I thought I was in the clear. The second time we hung out, I agreed to go to his apartment, and he would cook us dinner. I thought since he was my friend’s brother, he wouldn’t immediately try to hook up with me, and that he would respect me more than that. We ate dinner and talked. In the middle of the conversation, he asked me to perform oral sex on him. I was disappointed, but not surprised. I said no and got up to leave. He then proceeded to cuss me out, screaming at me and saying things like “you think you’re too good” and “you’re chopped anyway.” I still haven’t told my friend that her twin brother was responsible for this.
Now, I’m not saying hooking up with someone is wrong at all. In fact, I think having those types of interactions can be beneficial for some people. My issue is that people are expecting sex before even knowing their date’s favorite color or their last name. For a while, I thought this was just a “me” issue—that maybe I wasn’t good enough to be in a relationship with, but I was good enough to have a sexual interaction with.Â
Feeling defeated, I consulted my best friend on this topic (not the girl with the twin brother who had been mentioned earlier). She agreed that she felt like hookup culture has completely ruined dating for so many people, and that it is harmful for men to expect their date to have sex with them the first time they ever hang out. It feels like a double-edged sword. If you do agree to hook up, then you are painted as a “slut” or “easy.” If you don’t, then you are “prude” or “stuck up.” We ended up having an in-depth conversation about how we both felt pressured to hook up on the first date, because it has almost become a social norm that we as women are expected to follow.Â
Numerous TV shows perpetuate hookup culture. Shows such as Love Island, Too Hot to Handle, and Temptation Island all reinforce hookup culture. I enjoy watching Love Island as much as the next person, but it definitely contributes to the normalization of hooking up on the first date. These shows are almost centered around hookup culture. People let these shows normalize hookup culture in the real world; seeing something on television desensitizes people to how toxic this really is.
This, of course, doesn’t apply to all men or all people on dating apps. This is based on my personal experience and observations in modern dating. Hopefully, more people have had positive experiences than negative ones, but hookup culture has significantly altered how we perceive dating. I think there are good men out there; we just have to kiss a few frogs to find our prince.