Breakups suck — that is not some new epiphany that I, as a freshly-heartbroken hopeless romantic, am introducing into the world.Â
When going through the first few phases of a breakup, adjusting to your new single life can feel overwhelming and uncomfortable. It’s common to be caught between feeling the hurt as fully as you can and fighting the war of who “wins” the breakup; so here are a few things you can do to keep your sanity as you go through this process.
No contact
Obviously, this is easier said than done, but this is a holy grail for a reason. After a breakup, the last thing you want to do is be constantly reminded of the person you once called yours. The easiest way to get past those reminders is to block, block, block. Don’t reach out, don’t check or stalk their socials, and don’t fall back into a situation that you got out of for a reason. If you have unresolved feelings or words that you want to tell that person: journal! You don’t have to write it down if you don’t want to, try taking a video diary to let your brain run wild. What matters most is that that person is out of sight and will eventually be out of mind.Â
Feel it fully
The most authentic form of self-sabotage is avoiding your feelings. Unfortunately, our brains have a funny way of suppressing traumatic things, and then bringing them back up when we least expect it. If we don’t face our emotions head on with a full intention of healing, the cycle you’re stuck in will just continue. With that being said, there is a difference between dwelling on a situation versus feeling the true waves of your emotion and growing from them. It’s okay to wallow for the first two days after a breakup—it’s expected. But after the first couple of days… girl, it’s time to get up. Unfortunately, we have sh*t to get done; whether that’s school, work, or any other general responsibilities, just try to put your best foot forward—at least you’re trying.Â
Don’t get under someone new
I don’t care what anyone says, when you first get out of a relationship, you should absolutely not try to rebuild a “roster.” I know it might be compelling to do so for many reasons, but in reality, you’re just going to be filling a void that will remain open until you decide to fill it with yourself. Eventually, after some time passes, you’ll know when you’re ready. Trust yourself.
Pour into yourself
Relationships require a lot of energy. That’s why I can sometimes understand when people need time away from a relationship in order to pour into themselves—I know, I’m playing devil’s advocate. It’s kind of like taking a shower or going to the gym; you might not want to do it in the beginning, but you’ll never regret it after. Take charge and make the active choice to relocate the energy and love you once had for that person into yourself. Whether this takes form in self-care, hanging out with friends, or trying a new hobby, do it for you.
Try something new
Leaving the environment that you were once so used to within your old relationship can be a heavy obstacle in getting over a breakup. That’s why it’s important to pick up at least one new activity or hobby that gets you out of the house. This could be going to the gym more, joining a fun club (plug HCCU here!), or even taking some music lessons for a new instrument you’ve been wanting to pick up. Getting out into a new environment can help you feel more comfortable leaving your old one; so do it with confidence.Â
The most important thing to remember when dealing with any kind of heartbreak is to rely on those around you. So bring a friend to that new yoga class and cry it out on your mom’s shoulder until you don’t need to anymore. Your support system is what will carry you through life, but don’t forget that you, yourself, should be your number one supporter no matter what.