The monotony of online school is bringing me down. I feel isolated, angry, and lonely. I feel like I’m trying everything I can to make friends and be socially engaged but with every new county public health order comes a new challenge.
The lonelier I feel, the harder on myself I get. When my entire world feels like it exists in a vacuum (i.e. my bed, my living room, and the grocery store), it’s hard not to give in to a hate spiral. Why don’t I have any friends? What am I doing wrong? Why aren’t people reaching out? What’s wrong with ME?
As someone who has struggled with loneliness and the feeling of social isolation her whole life, this feeling isn’t new to me; however, my approach is. I’ve recently challenged these toxic thoughts by asking what my inner best friend would say.
Throughout the process of channeling my “inner best friend”, I’ve realized that this inner person isn’t an imaginary friend or figment of my imagination, it’s simply a nicer version of myself to myself. Through this, I learned that I could simply be my own best friend. I could fight loneliness by embracing it. Here are some ways I’ve challenged myself to be my own best friend.
- Just go do it.
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Whatever “it” is doesn’t really matter. Sometimes I really want to try a new coffee shop or desperately need a yoga fix. I decided I don’t need anybody with me to simply go do it! I hike alone, I go to museums alone, I go out to dinner alone. Honestly, this practice has boosted my self-confidence and given me the chance to get to know, well, me!
- Try something new everyday.
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Well, maybe not every day. I do have homework and basic needs that must be met. But, as often as I can, I like to try a little something new. Sometimes I cook a Pinterest recipe that’s been sitting on my board, steal a TikTok DIY, or try a new workout! Little changes in your day-to-day break the monotony and offer new potential interests in your life. The best way to get to know yourself is to get to know what things you like!
- Stop complaining.
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Over the course of quarantine, I got in such a habit of waking up every morning and feeling that quarantine funk. I walked around the house announcing the variety of things that were bothering me that day. It was too cloudy outside. My coffee didn’t come out right. I don’t do anything with my day. I’M BORED. These thoughts inevitably lead to miniature hate spirals wherein I inevitably decided I wasn’t worthy of nice days or entertainment or good coffee. By breaking the habit of complaining in the first place, I’ve found myself feeling more positive about who I am and how I spend my time. I’ve put this into practice by thinking of or writing down five things I’m grateful for before I get out of bed in the morning. This helps me set my day off on the right foot before my feet even hit the ground!
- Have goals.
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Having monthly, weekly, and daily goals keeps me organized and busy throughout the day. The more I have going on, the less consumed I become with my loneliness. Some goals could be exercising daily, trying to get out of the house weekly, or reading a book monthly. Keeping your mind busy keeps it away from negative thoughts and ensures even more productivity in your life.
- When all else fails… call your mom.
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Or your dad, or brother, or grandmother, or friend from home. Reaching out to people and letting them know how you are feeling will help you accept it. Often the people who know us best will know how to get us out of our little funks. Embrace modern technology as our newest and most effective means of social interaction and understand that using it shouldn’t be a negative thing!
The longest and most challenging relationship we face in life is with ourselves. We make jokes in our heads and laugh at them, pick apart our bodies in bathroom mirrors, and pull ourselves out of bed every morning with the hope that maybe today I will be different.
With every day that I try to fight off loneliness and the low self-esteem that comes with it, my inner voice has become so much kinder. I know that when I ask my inner best friend if I’m doing everything wrong, she would now tell me that there’s nothing wrong with me, that everyone is struggling, and that while it may never feel normal again, it will start to feel better.