I used to sit at my dorm window for hours and watch as people passed between classes, either on their way home or to another class. Living in the center of campus, it was such an incredible experience to be able to observe so many different people. From the second story of my dorm, watching people wander in various patterns, I felt as though I was watching ants. I don’t ever want to go back to living in that dorm, but when I walk around campus and see people in their own decorated rooms, sometimes I miss looking out that window.
Sophomore year, I moved into my first apartment. Although I share the space with three other roommates, we are all lucky enough to have our own bedrooms and bathrooms — a luxury I didn’t have freshman year. My bedroom faces the neighboring building, and as I was moving in, a man next door was sitting in his backyard blasting music. It was such a surreal experience, knowing that this beautiful apartment would be my home for the next year — and ultimately — my home for my junior year fall semester. But now, that time is coming to an end, and I am moving out.
Five different roommates, many experiences, and three semesters later I’m in denial that I have to leave my apartment. All my boxes and packing material are stuffed in my closet or hidden in my hall so I don’t have to see them. For the past few weeks, I’ve been more than ready to move out. However, now, I’m not ready to let go. Living in a dorm I shared with another girl, in the center of campus, I felt like I could never escape the chaos of CU Boulder. Fire alarms blaring and parties in full swing while I was trying to sleep or get homework done always threw me off. But now, living off campus, my room is my peaceful space away from everything.
I have the most perfect room I could ask for. The way I’ve decorated it — mostly throughout my sophomore year — is so delicate and I feel as though I am in a museum. From the pink sheets, the beautiful patchwork quilt, flowers, and my Jellycats, my room is perfect. I have massive windows where so much light pours into my room. It’s from these windows that I still have a view of a path people often travel on their way to class. The frequent sound of bouncing basketballs, skateboards, and the excited chatter of people coming home late at night flows through my cracked window. At times I’ve taken this place for granted, but it’s a place I will never forget.
I remember being so nervous to move to college. There were nights in my dorm where I broke down in tears because I was so overwhelmed with school and missing home more than anything. It’s a really challenging time being a freshman, when you are trying to navigate this new life you’re building for yourself away from where you grew up. To anyone who’s ever asked me if they should apply to Boulder, my answer is always yes.
It has taken me a long time to view Boulder as home. Even after Thanksgiving, in the airport on the way back to Boulder, I wanted so badly to stay in Rhode Island. I’ve held this belief that if I accepted Boulder as my new home, I would be letting go of where I grew up. People always say that home isn’t a place, it’s the people. For me, home can be people, but personally, it has always been tied to a physical place. As I was having a challenging time in my dorm — and even recently still — I didn’t want to accept that I would be living in this new place and calling it home.
Having gotten on the plane and come back, I’ve come to realize that I don’t have to pick one place to call home. I tie the word home to a sense of permanence — Rhode Island will always be my home. However, college is only four years. I believe that because I know it’s not permanent, I’m trying not to have emotional ties to a place I know I don’t want to live in permanently. I know in the spring when I go abroad I am going to miss my walks around campus, the long talks in the living room, and looking out my window. They are all going to be memories I look back on and will miss — I mean, I’m already missing them and I haven’t left yet.
People say that getting good housing in Boulder is difficult. While I think it’s true that trying to get a house on the hill is competitive, I’m very lucky I ended up where I did. There were definitely times when feelings and thoughts between roommates clashed. However, learning to communicate with others is something that I am so happy I’ve been able to get better at.
When I have conversations with people about roommates and friendship, I often bring up that it’s a fine line. It’s great to build relationships with people. In doing this though, it can become even more difficult to communicate grievances with others. When you become friends with your roommates, sometimes roommate conversations become friendship conflicts. However, beyond telling people to outline clear expectations of what they want in a living situation, I would say that freshmen looking for new housing shouldn’t be nervous, you’re going to have the experience you’re meant to have. Corny, I know. But, I’m so grateful that I’ve been able to grow the way I have since living in my apartment.
I’ve become a different version of myself after living in this apartment. I’ve found new friends, embraced new interests, and found a love for Boulder. A house isn’t always a home. However, a home can be a place. A place filled with laughter, light, and a giant window to look out of.