As my birthday comes and goes this February, I want to remind myself of a few concepts I learned before turning 23 years old so that this next year of life is full of growth. Growth is always good, no matter how little or huge those spurts may be, and my future is going to be beautiful as I continue to remember these life lessons and learn new things along the way.
1) Don’t internalize things.
Throughout my childhood, adolescence, and early adulthood, I found myself bottling things up. Sometimes, it was good to keep my mouth shut so that I didn’t say something that would hurt someone’s feelings, but it took me a long time to realize that not saying what was on my mind was actually causing me more pain than relief. I felt like not expressing myself would keep the peace in particular situations or prevent drama, but it made me harbor resentment towards people I love. It really is not fair for me to treat people, especially the people I love, differently with no obvious reason why. Once I recognized that I was not only hurting myself but them as well, I dug deeper to understand that the source of my frustration was coming from me not letting others know how I really feel. Now I know it’s better to confront situations and not let those issues stew within me.
2) I am my own biggest advocate.
Nobody is going to hand me anything on a silver platter. I have been extremely lucky to have a strong support system consisting of my family and close friends, but their support can only take me so far. It wasn’t until my third year of college (literally as a 21 year old) that I tried to research ways to get help for myself rather than approaching my mom or dad and asking them for help. At the end of the day, the help and guidance I receive is for me, so why not be the one to look for the best possible options for myself? It’s good and healthy to get help when I need it, and doing it myself makes me feel so much more independent.
3) Stop waiting around for people.
This is something I’ve definitely learned the hard way, and I continue to remind myself to put it into practice. At the end of the day, everything I’ve done either had positive, neutral, or negative consequences and how I choose to go about it is obviously only up to me. I kind of used to have this fear that I would be bored by myself and I was afraid that I would look weird or awkward being alone, and I felt like I needed someone else to prevent those feelings from popping up. It really didn’t hit me until this year, when I planned a trip to the grocery store with my roommate and ended up going three hours later without them. What was I waiting around for? We are both adults who can go to the grocery store as we please, and waiting around was just wasting my precious time. While I acknowledge that I know I am fully capable of doing things on my own, I am going to continue to remind myself that it’s okay to be alone.
4) I can’t hold others to the same standard I hold myself to.
This lesson is another one I still need to remind myself of every now and then. Like many others, I hold myself to a very high standard regarding the kind of person I want to be and present myself as. What I truly didn’t understand up until about a year ago was that not everybody does the same thing. I put my poor best friend through an emotional wringer begging her to at least try to meet somewhere in a timely manner or make plans for us that required a lot of thought and organization, but she is just someone who prefers to go with the flow. I get upset with my sister for seeming like she doesn’t want to talk to me as much as I want to talk to her, but she has her own life and talks to me when she gets the chance. These two people, whom I adore more than anything, are not me and it isn’t fair of me to hold them to the same standard I hold myself to. Once I came to this realization, there was no reason for me to be disappointed and hurt because I am no longer setting myself up for that pain.
5) Change is a good thing.
Lastly, and perhaps most importantly, I learned that the only thing I can expect and plan for in this life is change. I used to want my life to stay exactly how it was in the summer of 2019 when I was comfortable and used to the job I was working at and had all the friends I needed. I feared change because I didn’t want to feel any discomfort or unfamiliarity. I saw the people around me growing up and moving on, but I was scared to follow because I didn’t want anything to be any different from how it already was. Refusing to change only stunted my growth. Once I cleared that hurdle, my life literally changed. I applied to and was accepted to a university that offered my major. I moved to another state where I knew absolutely no one and I was able to meet new people, make new friends, and join in on activities and clubs that I enjoy. Doing the bare minimum flipped a switch for me, and I’m proud of myself for finally making that jump. I just remind myself that I have to be willing to adapt to be able to grow.
As my Jordan year approaches, I’m going to keep moving forward, having fun, and learning new things. I am nervous yet excited to see what opportunities this year will bring! I’m going to continue evolving and be my best self.