Doing things alone has always been a challenge for me. I would avoid and miss out on a lot of great opportunities due to my fear of doing things alone. If I didn’t have a friend to go with for a concert, I’d miss out on seeing my favorite artist. If no one would want to come with me to the store, I’d avoid going to the store.
For me, a big part of my fear of doing things alone was being perceived and judged by strangers. I was always worried that people would look at me by myself while eating lunch and think, “What a loser.” However, I never once thought that when I watched other people do things alone.
Coming into my sophomore year of college, I decided that I would say “F*** it” and do it alone, that it was my life and I had the freedom to do whatever I wanted, when I wanted. But it’s easier said than done. Every time I went to do something alone, my mind immediately went into the worst case scenario and reverted back to the thoughts of everyone watching me and judging me. The thing I’ve found to be my saving grace: headphones. Some people have an emotional support water bottle, but I have my emotional support headphones.
Having the clutch of headphones, I’ve been less afraid of the outside world. Recently, I’ve been hiking alone and exploring different parts of Boulder by myself. I explored the shops that line Pearl Street and discovered my new favorite tea shop. After that, I journeyed up the mountain by my house and found a tree with notes left by other travelers. Although these seem like small things, they were all steps toward my biggest goal.
Over the summer, I bought concert tickets for one of my favorite artists, Guccihighwaters. Even though I knew that none of my friends would want to go since his music isn’t their vibe, I didn’t want to miss out on the opportunity to see one of my top artists live, especially since I didn’t know when the next time I would get this chance was.
Earlier this month, I did two things that I would’ve never done — I went to a concert alone, and I met up with a stranger. Someone on the University snapchat story had posted about going to this concert, and I added him, saying I was going and that we should meet up. To say I was scared was an understatement. I was about to go to a concert alone in a different city and meet up with a stranger. The only thing going through my mind were worst case scenarios that involved me being in a negative situation, such as being kidnapped or assaulted.
That night was probably one of the best nights and the best concert I’ve ever been to. The smile on my face was permanently etched, and I was giddy for the rest of the night. The guy I had met up with was an incredibly interesting person, and I got to meet the artist at the end of the concert. I don’t think I would’ve had as much fun if I went with someone who didn’t care about the artist.
Doing things alone is difficult, but it’s so worth it. Over the past few months, I’ve explored places I never would’ve before, met new people, and have gained a new found appreciation for the smaller, more mundane things in life. The biggest thing I’ve learned over the last few months is to do it even when you’re scared, because it’s worth it in the end.