Growing up my family was perfect. Our biggest struggle was my erratic tantrums and the chaos of four young children. We went to the lake in the summer and my mother chaperoned all our school trips. My siblings were my best friends and I was allowed to express my emotions loudly to whomever I pleased. My brother was 11 when he began going to therapy for depression and anxiety. By the time he entered high school, he had tried to end his life multiple times. My sister had similar issues and their lives became all consuming for my parents. They did what they needed to do in a time of distress and violence. Slowly, I began to realize my life had changed too. I became quiet as my needs and emotions seemed meaningless in comparison to the terrifying storm erupting from my siblings. I understand why my parents ignored me and my sister. It is hard to focus on your “okay” children when the other two are undergoing life threatening mental health crises. I used to tell my friends “my parents emotionally neglected me for a few years haha,” but now I know there is a term for this not so uncommon phenomenon: glass child syndrome.Â
Cleveland Clinic describes glass child syndrome as children feeling “overlooked” due to their parents paying extra attention to siblings with special needs. These needs could be “medical, behavioral, or developmental conditions.” This state is not a medical diagnosis, but understanding the situation can help parents and family better support all their children.
It is so hard to not only be too young to properly express your emotions, but also have them be belittled and ignored. Once my parents had gone through years of dealing with my siblings, they were completely closed off to the possibility that my sister or I could have mental health issues ourselves. I became used to hiding my feelings. In this, I developed depression and anxiety. I had poor coping mechanisms due to a lack of external support. I had unlimited access to the internet and was able to consume media that portrayed mental health issues. From this, I gained an eating disorder and began to self harm in an attempt to grab someone’s attention. In a similar vain, my sister (the other “okay” child) had mono for a year. She did not get treated because she mentioned she felt sick to my mother. My mother told her it would go away. My sister never brought it up again because she didn’t want to “annoy” my parents. Both of our illnesses only got worse because of the unintentional neglect we faced due to our older siblings.Â
An adolescent learning to navigate the world should never brave it alone. Having adult support systems is crucial for developing in a healthy manner. I am so proud of my parents for keeping my siblings safe and healthy. I would never ask them to change their behavior for my sake. Glass child syndrome is an unfortunate state children end up in because of situations outside of anyone’s control. I now work towards expressing my emotions after years of bottling them up. I feel the effects of my upbringing every day, but I work towards expressing my emotions to friends and family after years of bottling them up.Â