Happy Sex Positivity Week! In honor of this theme week, I will go through a quick run through of the infamous ideology of hookup culture. No stranger to college campuses (CU is no exception), this phenomenon can be a tricky (and sticky) one to navigate. As someone who does not really partake in hookup culture, like, at all, I will still list out a guide to, as well as my own reasons for refraining from, purely hook ups.
To begin, hookup culture can be less intimidating to start than one might think. From a heterosexual female perspective, most guys are more than willing to hookup with a girl they are vibing with, and it’s not that hard to vibe with someone if they’re attracted to you (oftentimes they are). The initial meeting and vibing stage is a fun and easy one, but the rest of the night (and the following days) can hold more difficulty. Regardless, the challenge of hookup culture still remains — do I actually like them enough to hookup? Will I regret this in the morning? Are they actually cute or am I just tipsy? Are they someone from my class, or a friend of a friend? If the answer is “yes” to any of these questions, I hate to say it, but you will most likely regret it. Immediate gratification only hits so hard, especially if innumerable awkward bouts ensue after you hook up with the cute guy from your humanities class. In my book, hookups should try to be with someone you won’t see several times a week, just in case it ends awkwardly or badly.
The word hookup itself elicits enough confusion on its own. Does hooking up stop somewhere before sex? Is it just making out, or is sex included in hookups? For some people yes and for others no, but unfortunately if you don’t communicate this with your nighttime partner, you may find yourself in an interesting place to say the least. If you plan on hooking up with someone you have just met (or have known but never discussed specifics), it is so crucial that these boundaries are discussed before things heat up behind closed doors.
Depending on what you’re looking for, after the hookup you can either go your separate ways or face some awkward (or maybe fun) Snapchats, texts, or calls afterwards. This part is where I feel the real confusion begins and a blurry mess of figuring out what happens next commences. Whatever you want out of this hookup – whether a consistent F.W.B. situation or just a one night stand – remember that hookups always have their own ups and downs. Hookup culture is definitely a learning curve, and you’re bound to have some funny icebreakers and awkward tales that will make some hilarious stories one day.
Hookup culture can be extremely frustrating and confusing to navigate, in my opinion at least. I struggle with the whole premise of meeting someone at a party, vibing (usually solely because of mutual interest based solely on looks), and the whole thing being a purely physical attraction. Maybe it’s the hopeless romantic in me I’ve relentlessly tried to suppress over the years, or maybe even the engrained feeling of shame in purely physical indulgence, but regardless, hookup culture is not exactly my cup of tea. Only having very minimal experience in casual hookups, the lingering feelings afterward are never worth the immediate thrill. For me, the fun is all in the flirt (I know, I’m toxic).
Despite my own mild aversion to hookup culture, I do think it could be something empowering for those who know what they want and take it. I certainly admire women who are not afraid of what they want and unashamed in their sexuality and sexual drive. Although I hope that all those who partake in this culture feel satisfied or empowered by it, I do know people who participate solely because it is the norm for our generation. Hookup culture has been so glamorized recently, especially during my own adolescent high school years, to the point where it is “normalized” for young teenage girls (and boys!) to follow this phenomenon and out of the ordinary for people to refrain. For myself, my first relationship was a pretty serious and long-term one. I definitely fell victim to the glamorization of hookup culture but finally had the freedom in my college years to explore this long awaited and (ironically) romanticized idea. Those years I spent idealizing hookup culture came to a crashing halt after one hookup when I realized, for me, this phenomenon left me feeling used and disappointed, rather than strengthened and empowered. Sex positivity can also look like refraining from hookup culture if it feels good to you, and that lesson took a lot of time to learn. Whether you passionately ascribe to hook up culture or abstain from mostly everything sexual, whatever sex positivity looks like to you is more than enough.