One of my first articles I ever wrote for HCCU was 10 Songs To Listen To When It Finally Hits That You’re Growing Up, and today, I want to revisit that playlist — this time, as a senior about to graduate college, unsure about what the future holds.
#5
Maine, by hey, nothing
“And I can’t wait not to go home/so far away from everything I know/is it okay for me to feel close/to a place that I barely know?”
Where is home now? Do I find it in my hometown, in my childhood bedroom, in between the cracks of the pictures I hung on the wall, of people I no longer speak to? Or do I find it tucked in between the couch cushions where I sit as I write this, with a cat that makes me less scared to be a mother one day and a roommate that feels like the sister I always wished for?
#4
Everything’s Changing by the 502s
“There’s so much good that is yet to come/But it comes at the cost of all that once was.”
I somehow keep grieving the life that is ahead of me, because I know that once it’s gone, I will never get it back. I will never get to live in a girl-house with my roommate and cat, feeling as rich as I do with nearly zero dollars in my bank account, just the same as how I’ll never get to be a teenager in high school, discovering the duality of my existenc. Yet, I cannot wait for the day I live a quiet life, with a humble family of my own, tucked away in a cottage in the mountains with a cup of tea and a good book.
#3
End of Beginning by Djo
“And when I’m back in Chicago, I feel it/Another version of me, I was in it/I wave goodbye to the end of beginning.”
When I’m back in Chicago, the lines between who I am and who I used to be become blurred. I feel the same emotions I did when I was in high school, I see the same buildings I saw in middle school, yet I am not the same person I used to be. It was the end of the beginning, and now it’s the beginning of the end.
#2
A Little Older by Billanne
“’Cause I’ve been growing out of/All the places I loved/A little lost and found but/Not getting back that old stuff.”
My playlist that these songs reside on is titled “growing up, older, & out,” an unintentional ode to this song. A little kid who isn’t so little anymore, growing faster and faster out of her clothes. A little lost, but a little found — isn’t that the purpose of life? To feel lost, to never feel like you know what you are doing, but to find yourself in the little moments of life, in the twinkle of the stars and the breeze of a hot summer day?
#1
Aal Izz Well from the 3 Idiots soundtrack
The original lyrics: “Murgi kya jaane aande ka kya hoga/ Aree life milegi ya tawee pe/fry hoga/Koi na jaane apna future kya hoga.”
The (rough) English translation: “How can a hen know the future of its egg?/Will it get life or get fried on a pan/No one knows what our future will be.”
From one of my favorite movies, 3 Idiots, this one is not only nostalgic but becomes more and more relevant each day. No one knows what our future will truly be — the only certain thing about life is that it is uncertain. And there’s some comfort in that.
My five songs definitely do look a lot different than the original 10, not only in quantity of songs, but also in how I feel about growing up as a whole. But maybe that’s a good thing. A lot can change in three and a half years — I know I have. Who knows where I’ll be in another three and a half years?