Turning 20 felt monumental and honestly terrifying. Sure, 18 is technically when you become an adult, but exiting teenagehood feels more significant symbolically. Though I am still a baby adult, I learned so much leading up to my 20th birthday, and I want to share those things with you.
- Not everyone you meet and love is meant to stay in your life, and that’s okay.
We meet new people every day. Sometimes a strong connection is made, and other times those people remain strangers. But even some strong connections may not last forever. You may grow out of relationships or simply grow apart. Though it can be sad, these transitions are necessary.
- Saying no is sometimes the best thing you can do for yourself.
Boundaries are essential and it is impossible to do everything. You must check in with yourself about your individual capacity and say no when you have too much on your plate.
- Saying yes is sometimes the best thing you can do for yourself.
Trying new things and taking risks is terrifying, but is the only way to grow. You won’t be good at everything, and that is more than okay. It is important to partake in new experiences and to give yourself the grace to be bad at some things.
- Comparison is the thief of joy.
As cheesy as this is, it is so true. There is always going to be someone better than you, prettier than you, and smarter than you- the list goes on and on. There are almost eight billion people in the world, which may make you feel small, but remember out of those nearly eight billion, there is only one you.
- Perfection is impossible, and it’s no fun to try.
No matter how hard you try, how hard you work, you will never be perfect. Defining yourself by how close you are to perfect will only lead you to feeling inadequate. Your value is not determined by your grades, your weight, or your number of Instagram followers. Your value is determined by the person you are: perfectly imperfect.
- Life is the most tragic and most beautiful thing.
Everything that lives must die, and therefore life is full of the greatest joys and the most painful tragedies. The good things wouldn’t feel as wonderful if the bad things never happened.
- Grief is an extension of love.
Grief is painful and messy, but it comes as a result of deep love and gratitude. To miss someone badly means you loved them and were loved by them fiercely. It is essential to give yourself the space to grieve and sit in the heartbreak, but eventually, you will find the beauty that comes from the tragedy.
- You attract the energy you put out.
If you’re negative and treat people poorly, others will be negative and you’ll be treated poorly. Of course it’s okay to have bad days and toxic positivity never helps, but keep your head up and try to be open to the good that’s all around you.
- Taking care of yourself isn’t selfish.
Your mental health and wellbeing are the most important things. It isn’t selfish to prioritize your own wants and needs, it is necessary. You can only take care of others when you are taken care of. Your first priority should be yourself.
- Kindness is radical.
Small acts of kindness can turn someone’s day around, and in turn, perhaps their life. It isn’t hard to be kind, but it is radical.
- All good things are worth working for.
Nothing worth having ever comes easy. If your dreams are easy to achieve, they aren’t big enough. So much of life is about struggle, which may sound discouraging, but it’s actually quite beautiful.
- Life is too short to worry about what other people think.
Whether it’s how you look, what you wear, or what you’re studying, it’s a waste of time to worry about what anyone else thinks of you. When you look back on your life when you’re older, you won’t think about how you looked in the bikini or the D you got on that one test. You will reflect on who you are and the relationships you have. Don’t hold yourself back from living life to the fullest.
- Life is all about the little things.
Hustle culture is real and it’s exhausting. We often delay feeling happy or proud until we achieve something “big.” But these big things aren’t everything. The little things like the Starbucks barista spelling your name right, or the professor who recognized you in their huge lecture, or a smile from a passing stranger are all just as significant and impactful.
- Relationships are about quality, not quantity.
Popularity is a hoax and the number of friends you have doesn’t matter. All that matters is having meaningful relationships with people you care about and who care about you. Having a few close friends is so much better than having dozens of friends that you don’t feel particularly connected to.
- Your path doesn’t have to look like the paths of the people around you.
Everyone is on their own life journey. Don’t compare what you’re doing to those around you. It won’t be the same, and it shouldn’t be the same, because you are unique and have your own goals and dreams. If your partner gets an amazing internship for the summer, that doesn’t mean you have to do the same. Your journey is valid as is.
- Failure is required for growth and it is a beautiful thing.
As a recovering perfectionist, I’m still working on this one. Failure is terrifying, but if you don’t fail, you aren’t pushing yourself to grow. It may be safe to stick to things you’re good at, but it’s boring and won’t push you to reach your full potential. Be brave and step into the fear and fail forward.
- Vulnerability is the key to meaningful friendship.
Genuine connections only evolve when you express your truest and most authentic self. That involves the messiness and imperfections that you may be scared of. Friendship is about trust and unconditional love and support. That only comes when you open yourself up to vulnerability.
- The strongest thing you can do is be vulnerable.
Vulnerability is scary, but it’s essential. Embracing and expressing your emotions is strong, and it gives those around you the permission to do the same.
- Every feeling, good and bad, is ephemeral.
All feelings are fleeting. The pain will pass, the joy will pass. Nothing is permanent.
- Everyone is too caught up in themselves to notice your insecurities.
No matter how confident and carefree someone may seem, everyone has insecurities. You are your worst critic and other people almost never notice the things that you dislike about yourself. It doesn’t matter what other people think, but it’s also rare that they are thinking anything negative about you. Take some deep breaths and honor your insecurities.
We learn and grow every day. Reflection is a powerful tool to recognize how far you’ve come, even if you still have a long way to go. I hope this list brought you some comfort, and perhaps inspired you to reflect on your own journey in this crazy thing called life.