The Heartbreak of Falling Out of Love

Being in love is one of the most heartwarming and terrifying things we as individuals can experience. The intimacy required to make that connection with another human being takes tremendous work. That being said, when it happens, it’s life changing. There is no doubt that when things are good, they are great. A problem that happens quite often but is not spoken about much, however, is when things are still good but no longer great for you. Nothing in the relationship has changed per se, but something is nibbling at you from the very back corner of your brain. You do not just like this person, you are wholeheartedly in love with them. You think it is never going to end, how could it? But then, most surprisingly and without apparent reason, it does. One moment that person’s company is all you crave, choosing to stay home and watch a crappy movie with them rather than go out. And the next moment it’s a rainy Wednesday afternoon and, in between sips of now cold coffee, that little voice from the back of your head speaks, loud and clear; un-ignorable. 

“You don’t love him anymore.”

You put your coffee down, slightly startled. You begin to argue with yourself because of course you love him. This is the same man who, when you were sick last May, went to three different pharmacies before he found the specific cold medicine your mom used to give you. This is the person who you spent endless hours talking about the future with and talking about your future together. You argue internally, one-sidedly, yelling your points. Screaming them. You give yourself a break, mentally and emotionally drained. You wait for a reply. 

“You don’t love him anymore.”

You sit there in silence, cold coffee in your hands, rain drops tapping at the window. 

The truth is, love is complicated. There does not have to be anything “wrong” for it to evaporate. That is the true scary thing about love, how ephemeral it can be. After you’ve had this thought, nothing can ever be the same. Like a shattered vase, there is no acting like nothing has happened. Even with the best efforts, there will always be cracks in the vase from then on. The next step can never be planned but is always inevitable. You need to let this person go. You both need to untangle each other from your lives and figure out a way to move on. It is not easy. Some people go on knowingly out of love with their significant other for years until they finally gather the courage to sever the ties. The time wasted, however, may be worse than the lack of emotion. You do not owe this person your love but what you do owe them is the truth. Always and undeniably, they deserve to know that the relationship, although not formally, has most definitely ended.