Dear TA,
I’m running a tad bit behind on this assignment; can I have an extension?
(p.s. I want you so bad)
From attractive graduate students, to attentive men that are actually smart, almost every college student has experienced the inevitable TA crush. At first, it’s fun, enticing, and forbidden–what’s not to like? But, as it continues to grow in strength, it can become consuming, distracting, and somehow…perfect? Soon enough, you’re googling “Is it okay to date my TA?” and attending every single office hour–-even when you have nothing to say, but EVERYTHING to see. ;)
To be honest, I am no expert in erasing feelings of attraction, or in avoiding impulsive actions, but, what I do know is how to navigate them. Precisely, I know how to go through the semester without breaching the student-faculty handbook, or embarrassing myself too badly. There’s only a few weeks left, and so far I haven’t been removed from any of my courses, so I’d say that makes me a master in hidden TA crushes.
Yet, I would have never been able to get through this semester without occasional mental reasoning and rationality. So, to all the love-sick students out there, if you catch yourself fantasizing about your, at-best, mid TA, ask yourself the following questions:
- Is he actually cute, or is he just my TA?
Trust me, I know first-hand how difficult it is to NOT mentally undress your superiors. As a freshly 19-year-old girl at an all-women’s college, any man on campus immediately gains 10+ attraction points. It’s basic psychology, when there are no options, even the concept of an option is automatically viewed through rose colored glasses. It’s like the age-old question: Is he hot, or is he just my coworker?
- Am I being delusional?
Occasional eye contact? Routine check-ins? Compliments to your essays? Elaborate responses to your comments? Is he sending signals?
No.
Now if this were any other person, these would DEF be signals. However, your TAs are literally paid to provide a more personalized learning experience, which includes making you feel supported, and somewhat, special. Follow-up question: If they weren’t your TA, would they spend a fraction of this time on you still? Chances are, the 27-year-old graduate student would not be inclined to have a coffee chat with an undergraduate student not even old enough to order a glass of wine.
- Am I unusually stressed?
TA crushes germinate during the semester and intensify during exam seasons. Increased office hours and more conversations after class, mixed-in with overwhelming anxiety and suspense is a breeding ground for unjustified feelings. When we experience sudden spikes of stress, our brain subconsciously searches for a fast way to alleviate that pressure. If you’re already eyeing your TA, while trying to secure an A, it’s inevitable to imagine the original, cliche, forbidden student-teacher romance. This is totally normal, though, and can apply to any crush(es) you continuously see over stressful periods. A crush is just a simple, easy distraction; things just a little complicated when they’re your teacher.
Now…If you’re still hung up on your little crushie-crush, answer the following YES or NO questions:
- Am I just bored? (yes)
- Would I still have a TA crush if I already had a main love interest?
- Do I just hate my actual professor?
- Is it time to download Hinge?
- Would mom approve?
- Have I been taking my meds?
- Am I…okay?
As finals begin and classes are starting to come to an end, it may be time to also end the relationship in your head…
OR confess in an email after the class ends. What’s the worst thing that could happen?