My fellow collegiettes, we have reached that dreaded time of the year: finals week. Not only is it finals week, but Spring Finals week, where summer is so close the whole campus smells like sunscreen and desperation for days filled with white sand and a lack of 8 ams.
During the most stressful time of the year, I have found myself searching for a light in this dreary tunnel, looking for something to bring a smile to my face and make me feel understood. And what do I turn to every single time?
Friends.
No, not actual friends. The TV show. You know, the best TV show to have ever been created?
Come to think of it, I should probably turn to some actual, real people. But whatever it takes to make it through, right?
That being said, enjoy the stages of Finals Week as told by the cast of Friends.
And good luck on those exams, everyone!
You don’t know what’s worse about finals: the actual exams themselves, or pre-finals week where you have 5 groups projects, 3 papers, and 2 presentations to complete in 6 different classes, and all you can do is just sit there in amazement at the sheer volume of work you have to complete. And it’s not even finals week yet.
It is Saturday morning. Two full days before exams begin. You open your planner and look at the daunting week ahead of you. 6 exams in the span of 3 days. You can’t even remember the last time you went to one of the classes. The horror begins to set in, you slowly close your planner, slide back into bed, and you and your roommate have a conversation that goes something like this:
After some convincing from your roommate, you make it out of bed. Time to buckle down and begin. Or at least you think that, until you realize half of your exams are cumulative.
Is there a procrastination olympics? If there was, you would be winning.
Exam number 1. You can do this. You are strong. You are smart. You have no idea what the answer is to the first question. You are questioning everything you have ever learned.
You’re feeling pretty good, now. Getting stuff done, studying up a storm, but your hall neighbors clearly do not understand that slamming their doors and screaming at 2 in the morning doesn’t qualify as part of Quiet Hours.
Your final Literature essay is due in an hour. You’ve been studying for your Chemistry exam for 2 days straight and somehow, the essay slipped through the cracks. You have 45 words. The requirement is 1200.
As if you don’t have enough to do, your one friend who always needs help asks you to correct their essay for class tomorrow, because, you know, your 3 exams in the next two days don’t even compare to the importance of their essay. But you do it anyway, because you’re a good person and they promised to buy you Dairy Queen, and you find out THEY STILL DO NOT KNOW THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN YOUR AND YOU’RE.
Delirium sets in. You’re not quite sure how you got here.
You’re finally in the grove. Your motivation is renewed, you’re halfway through the week, and you are ready for the grind. Then you sit down to study for that class; you know, that one class every person has where instead of paying attention you watch an hour and fifteen minutes of dog videos on Facebook? And suddenly, you realize you. know. absolutely. nothing.
Panic? Who said anything about panic? Who’s panicking? It’s fine. Everything is fine. We are all fine.
You have become a living embodiment of Margarita Ross.
You’ve been in the library for 10 hours. It is 3:47 am. The stress in the air is almost tangible. The concept of an outside world is completely lost. You’re on your fourth cup of coffee and your right eye won’t stop twitching and you can’t remember how to work the copying function on the printer and the girl behind you won’t stop smacking her gum and–
Pizza. Pizza is the solution. It is the only thing that can save you now.
Pizza, and sleep, that is. You wake up with your paper stuck to your face. But that 45 minute impromptu power nap was just what you needed.
The end of the week is approaching and ALL OF YOUR FRIENDS ARE DONE WITH THEIR EXAMS BUT YOU HAVE AN EXAM FRIDAY NIGHT AT 7 PM.
They leave you. You are left to fend for yourself in your misery.
It is the last day. You can’t remember what a vegetable looks like. Your diet only consists of caffeinated drinks and delivery pizza. You had ice cream for every single meal yesterday. You pick up a red, circular food and you realize it is an apple. You wonder how long it has been since you have seen one of those. At this point, you cannot bring yourself to care about your once summer-ready body. This is survival mode. Your developing abs will not help you here.
Panic, round two. Except no one is left to share your panic. You resign to talking to the stranger sitting across from you in at Starbucks.
THE TIME HAS COME. one. more. exam. You’re brain is so tired it hurts. You could carry groceries in the bags under your eyes. But the light at theend of the tunnel is emerging. You have made it this far. And for once, you actually understand what the heck is going on in the class your last final is in.
And, finally, after all this time: sweet, sweet relief. Goodbye school, and hello summer.