Venting, the one thing that most of us can agree that we will not be interested in doing any time soon, but why? Why is opening up to another person so hard? Talking to another person about your problems and things you are going through can actually be very therapeutic. Walking around holding everything in can be exhausting, venting can relieve that exhaustion, it’s almost like a weight is lifted off of your shoulders. Now, it’s the person you choose to vent to that makes or breaks you. I know there’s plenty of people who are stuck in the “I can’t trust anybody” mood, but you can, and you know you can. If you have friends and/or family, then there has to be at least one of them that you feel comfortable enough to talk to and if push comes to shove, talk to a therapist, a pastor, or a teacher. There is a person for everyone. Our generation loves to talk about “vibes,” pick up those vibes and find your person.
Don’t get me wrong, there are pros and cons to everything. The person you vent to can end up spreading your business or try to use what you shared against you, which is why it is important to choose carefully who you vent to, or go to a therapist who is obligated to keep your secrets. Personally, I’ve gone to therapy. It was free at my university and I knew that I had to talk to someone before I had a mental breakdown. It certainly helped that my therapist was an African American female. It made me feel more comfortable talking to someone who looked like me. Throughout our sessions, she asked me if I’ve ever told any of this to my closest friends, and I was telling her I would never do that. I’d listen to their problems but I wouldn’t dare tell them mine and she said this to me, “How can you have a solid, trustworthy friendship, if you don’t show vulnerability? How do you think they might feel that they tell you things but you shut them out? You trust them don’t you? They’re your friends right? So why haven’t you opened up to them?” I was feeling like she got me, she was absolutely right.
If I trusted them, why was it so hard for me to vent? But, I was so stuck in past situations, that I was afraid that one day if they were mad at me that they’d use what I said against me, like people have done to me before. I know, based off the actions of my past “friends” and my current friends, who I can and can’t trust to vent to and you’ll know too if you don’t already. Now let’s say we were wrong about who we thought we could trust. We can’t blame ourselves for being vulnerable and telling our truths. The only person to blame is the one who betrayed your trust.
In addition to the pros and cons, the delivery can be difficult as well, not everyone wants to have an intimate face-to-face venting conversation. I am a part of that everyone. After my therapy session, I wrote everything I wanted to say in my notes. It turned out to be almost a five-page essay, but I sent it to my two best friends. I trust them wholeheartedly so I knew they’d read it all and they did. After my friends read what I wrote, the response was good, and I felt lighter, relieved, and a sense of peace. I also felt closer to my friends and I know it made our relationships stronger. To sum everything up, I encourage you to not be afraid to vent. It doesn’t always have to be a friend. You’d be surprised where you might find that one person that you can talk to, but it is important to find your person. The way you feel afterward can be very rewarding. Open up and talk to someone. Venting doesn’t always have to feel so serious.