During my childhood, I’ve never been that girl who dreamt about marrying a handsome prince and finding my true perfect love as fast as possible — although living in a palace never seemed to be a bad idea. I always loved getting in contact with fairy tale universes, dresses full of glitter, and happily ever afters, but, until then, only because it seemed pretty cool. Finding my other half still wasn’t a thing for me.
But years passed, my eyes to romantic relationships changed, and I started watching lots of movies wishing that the main characters ended up together. And it was awesome! Because most of the time, they really did. “She’s All That”, “10 Things I Hate About You”, “Pretty Woman”, “Love, Rosie” and many other plots conquered space in my heart during different phases of my life, because they told me to relax: love would find me someday, and, at the end of the story, I would be with the perfect person, in the perfect time. Maybe singing “Can’t Take My Eyes Off You”?
The thing is: when you begin to live your own love stories, you realize they can be a little far away from a 90’s romantic comedy scenario. And understanding that surely reflects in the ways we deal with productions that treat love like this.
Love is not about perfection
It is really hard to say a sentence like that without being a little bit cliché, but it is true. Love can be beautiful, love can fit your expectations and be what you always dreamed of, love is — and always must be — healthy, but love is not perfect and idealized as sometimes some productions portray.
Idealizing love through a fictional plot can be a little dangerous, especially if you get in contact with this kind of production since you are young. Taking these perfect scenarios as a reference can help build some stereotypes about what a relationship feels like. We will keep seeking an intense romance, burned with passion, drama, and emotion, just like things happen in romantic comedies or other kinds of romantic productions. But love is not always, or rarely like that. We can find love in moments from routine, in simple acts like having dinner together or talking for hours about things in common. And not having kisses in the rain or fights who end up in huge love declarations does not mean it isn’t love.
Also, there are some other problems that, nowadays, people are already tired of seeing in some cliché romances. Usually, there is a huge list of behaviors that women present in movies and TV shows that are portrayed as cute, romantic, and attractive to men, but they can be not really healthy for us. It is pretty common to see the cliché of the girl who changes her whole personality and appearance and only then does the cool and handsome guy start to look at her romantically, or the main female character who is really shy and insecure about herself, never confident, and it is always the guy who makes her see she is great. Even if it seems just like a detail, it can put us always dependent on men’s approval. And I assure you: we don’t need it to feel loved.
Reality can be comforting — and necessary
If on one side, we have cliché romances, perfect couples, and fate always taking people to the right places at the right time, on the other, we have productions dedicated to creating less idealized stories. It doesn’t mean the characters aren’t in love or happy together — they just show that love is unpredictable and does not always happen the way we expect, and that is not necessarily bad.
Probably the main example that I can give about that is Normal People, the screen adaptation of the novel written by Sally Rooney. I have already read and watched it, and both experiences were unbelievably good. She created a story about a modern and real love, with sensibility and honesty. Marianne and Connell are a couple with problems, mistakes, insecurities, and their story basically shows that many things influence their relationship: college, money, friends, family, and other things like that, not only love and sex. And, ironically (or not), I have enjoyed it much more than a couple of other romantic plots that I watched recently.
Looking at the success of the TV series — translated for more than 25 languages and watched by more than 6,5 million people only in the first two months in Brazil — we can see that I was not the only one who fell in love with Normal People. And not only because of that but considering a whole tendency in Gen Z about liking to feel represented in what we watch, this shot of reality and truthiness that Rooney gives us can be the comfort we needed to feel about loving and feeling loved.
What about the clichés?
Well, although modern romances are trendy (and necessary, in my opinion), I am not making this reflection here to say that clichés are bad or will be abandoned by the public in the future not so far away. Showing a romance more connected to reality can be a comfort, but sometimes you just need to take a break from it. I guess it is just like watching sci-fi movies, or other kinds of TV shows that create a whole new world, nothing related to the one we know. If you want to stop thinking about how things can be messy in our reality, the best way to relax is to actually get immersed into stories where people can simply find their soulmates in the nearest supermarket — and live happily ever after.
But that is the thing: you watch it already knowing that real life usually is not 100% a cliché romance, not using that as a model for your own relationships. Nobody can guess what would have happened to my perspective of romantic love if I didn’t have any contact with some cliché productions when I was younger, but I know that it influenced me in the way I looked for some people I had feelings for in my life. Maybe, getting in contact with both sides of love productions — the clichés and the moderns — was necessary for me to have a more mature vision about love nowadays, and, at the same time, not ignoring my Pisces inclination for liking fairy tale romances.
Also, don’t think that you won’t find me watching “10 Things About You”, at least five times a year. This movie is a *masterpiece* and can’t be left behind, like so many others. Clichés are not over, and there’s nothing wrong about liking it! It is just really comforting to know that, for those who like real-life love, it is now possible to find many nice stories that are pretty similar to those that often happen to us — or even are based on real stories, like the ones on Modern Love. They can still be romantic, with cute couples, and make you desire to find your “other half”. Love might not be perfect, but that doesn’t mean you shouldn’t seek beauty in it.